Sashers And Social Justice–Revisited

ALTHOUGH I HAVE POSTED THIS ARTICLE PREVIOUSLY, I THINK, IN LIGHT OF THE PRESIDENT’S “COMING OUT” REGARDING HIS WORST KEPT SECRET, WHICH IS HIS CLEAR AND RATHER UNSURPRISING SUPPORT OF  SAME-GENDER UNIONS, AND THE IRONY  (NOT SO LIKELY ACCIDENTAL EITHER I MIGHT ADD)  OF THIS ANNOUNCEMENT HAPPENING WITHIN 24 HOURS  AFTER NORTH CAROLINA’S VOTE AGAINST SAME-SEX MARRIAGE, IT SEEMED VERY FITTING AND TIMELY TO SHARE IT ONCE AGAIN. IT IS MY OWN BEST EXPLANATION I AM ABLE TO GIVE AS TO WHY I CANNOT SUPPORT SUCH UNIONS, ALTHOUGH I ONCE DID  FULLY DID SO WITH NO HESITATION. PLEASE READ ON…I DO NOT ASK YOU TO AGREE, BUT TO AT LEAST OPEN YOUR MINDS AND HEARTS TO THE REASONS I SHARE HERE. DIALOGUE WELCOME.

Awhile back (late fall of 2008) I wrote an article
on my personal take regarding California PROP 8 and the legalization of
same gender marriages. While I have at times struggled with my own views on the
topic, even since that writing, my firm belief now is that the biggest overall
need is to find ways to bridge the gaps between each opposing group and bring
them together. I do not believe this will occur by redefining marriage, but
rather by redefining attitudes within the Church towards LGBT (lesbian, gay,
bisexual and transgender) people, and doing so in such a way that does not
destroy the sanctity of the Sacrament of Matrimony as already established.

I also believe that the LGBT community, of which I have
been part of and still embrace as my brothers and sisters, also carries some
responsibility here to understand and respect, regardless of agreement, the
religious views that are perhaps not their own in some cases. My original
article is reprinted below, and also some additional thoughts which further
clarify my take on this topic.

My challenge is to take your time (just 10-15
minutes or so) and read this in its entirety before forming judgments. After
that, respectfully written comments on all sides of the issues at hand are of
course welcome. Here goes:

 

What about Gay Marriage?

Another LGBT Perspective

 

Same-Sex Marriage Rally (Photo credit: City of West Hollywood)

As a same-sex attracted individual, it is often
assumed that I would naturally support what is commonly called “gay marriage.”
When I recently shared at a family gathering that I did not, at least not as it
is currently being proposed in California and other states in recent years, it
prompted a rather lively discussion with some of my siblings. After gathering
my own thoughts I wrote the following as an attempt to explain my reasoning in
light of Catholic Christian teaching as well as my own LGBT experiences. Not
all on either side of the issue will likely totally agree with my thoughts
here, but please give it a read:

Dear ____,

I have to admit that I was to some extent rattled
yesterday during our discussion regarding my choice to return to the Roman
Catholic Church and my choice to remain single and celibate. I somewhat
felt that I was the recipient of an intervention of some kind, and that was not
a good feeling! I think we all agree that none of us owe each other
explanations on why we believe as we do, but I want to share anyway, so please
bear with me. Maybe it will help.

Having said that, I realize that my evolution
of faith over the years is understandably puzzling and troublesome to others
(not just family, but a few friends too) at times and I am going to do my very
best to put my thoughts and beliefs into clear words here. I do not ask anyone
to agree with me totally, but I do hope it to be understood that I am not
blindly following my faith out of some misguided or confused zeal or naiveté.
Hopefully I am beyond that and you believe better about me than that. I think
you do.

I did not choose celibacy because I am having
trouble finding dates, have gone blind (and therefore see no attractive men out
there!), need Viagra, or no longer have homosexual inclinations—and by the way
I still get hit on sometimes! When I returned to the Catholic Church 5 years
ago it was not because I felt pressured or forced to do so. It came as a result
of searching for truth in the best manner I knew how, and in the process of
that search I came to believe that the Church was truly the best place for me.
And I went there with joy. Do I miss romantic companionship at times? I would
not be human if I didn’t. Am I better off spiritually and emotionally than I
was during all of the 15 years I was actively involved in the LGBT world? I
personally think so. I honestly have a sense of purpose and peace that was decidedly
missing during my years of “freedom.” The Church has not denied me anything
really.

One belief espoused both by Catholic and Orthodox
Churches that is not generally taught by Protestants is that there is both
Sacred Scripture (the Holy Bible) and Sacred Tradition (the essence of how that
truth is meant to be lived, not always in written form, but based on the
earliest possible interpretations of Scripture and other teachings handed down
from the Apostles). Protestants generally believe in “Sola Scriptura”, or the
Bible alone as the guide for faith and morals, and that each individual is free
to interpret it as they see fit. Catholics believe that the Bible is the Word
of God, but also that the teachings of the Magisterium (meaning the Pope and
the bishops in union with him only when making official or universal
pronouncements as such) are also the Word of God. That includes Sacred
Tradition as well as the Bible and how they are to be interpreted in each day
and age. And some of the specifics may differ from generation to generation,
but much of it does not. That bears an explanation.

What gets a bit confusing with the above
terminology is that there is a Sacred Tradition and just plain human
tradition based on culture and human advances in science, and other variable
factors. Meaning—teachings that are current customs of the Church,
such as eating meat on Friday, celibacy for the priesthood, whether the Mass is
offered in Latin or English, and various other such disciplinary practices, are
changeable with the times—and should indeed be. Those are simply “traditions,”
and every denomination or religious group has some. Within Catholicism, those
“small t” traditions are binding only for as long as the Church determines that
they are necessary—hence, when we were children growing up one week it was
considered a serious or mortal sin to eat meat on Friday and the very next week
it was no longer considered to be so at all, although still each Friday (and
many do not realize this) we are asked to either not eat meat or to do some
type of penance or good work in honor of the Lord’s death on the cross and for
the salvation of others. The particulars changed but not the principle behind
it.

On the other hand, the Sacraments (such as
baptism, marriage, the Eucharist, and the like) fall into the category of
Sacred (or “large T”) Tradition. Also in that category would be the doctrine of
the Trinity, a teaching that is not actually in the Bible itself but which is
implied in Sacred Scripture over and over. Within it as well are teachings
which numerous Church Councils determined to be part of the “Deposit of Faith,”
such as the various Creeds and Church dogmas, in addition to decisions based on
later Church Councils such as Trent, Vatican I and II.

Here is where Sacred Tradition ties into my
search regarding LGBT issues. There has never been a time in 2000 years of
Church history, Catholic or Protestant, when homosexual relationships were ever
officially placed on the same level as male/female marriages. There have always
been individuals who believed otherwise, but the Church as a whole has never
endorsed or approved those relationships. And, as an aside, since Christianity
is a direct outgrowth of Judaism, that particular “tradition” actually goes
much further back (several thousand years in fact) to the very earliest Old
Testament times and no provision for same gender sexual relationships during
either Old or New Testament times has ever been commonly accepted by either
ancient Israel or the Church.

And it is not a matter of discrimination—or at
least does not need to be. I personally think that enforceable laws could be
set in place which allow for those who do not follow Catholic or other more
conservative Judeo-Christian beliefs in the area of marriage to still own
property jointly, visit loved ones in the hospital, have tax credits, and the
like. Or perhaps those protections could be done in a totally different way
altogether such as having no differentiations between single and married
individuals, no matter what their relationships may happen to be. There are
varied and numerous ways to protect the interests of both church and state
which have yet to be tried, and could at least (prayerfully) begin to bring
together those on either side of the issue.

I understand that for many LGBT people it feels
very insulting not to refer to their relationship as a “marriage,” and I am
actually fairly sympathetic to that view-point, having had friends in that
situation and, not many years ago, believing it would be “only fair” for myself
too. However one of the several reasons that I now see it differently is that,
in countries which allow same gender marriages such as Canada and elsewhere, it
has triggered a slippery slope. A number of ministers and bishops, for example,
simply by preaching that homosexuality is sinful from their own pulpits, have
been taken before the Canadian tribunals and forbidden to even speak on the
issue or else face charges. A number Christian radio broadcasts in Canada have
been forbidden to mention the topic, calling it hate speech or worse. These
have not necessarily been “Fred Phelps” types either, but simply religious
leaders who belong to denominations that historically have taught that
homosexual activity (not the orientation) is sinful. Incidents such as those do
justice to neither side in my view.

Speaking of naïve, I think it would be such to
think that this could not happen here too. Already groups such as Soulforce (an
activist group made up primarily of evangelical Christians who are LGBT) travel
regularly to private Christian colleges with former students, such as at North
Central University here in the Twin Cities, an Assemblies of God college where
I myself once attended, and have accused them of “religious abuse” solely
because they dismissed a student for promoting active sexual relationships with
others of his own gender. When I was a student there years ago, it was
considered sinful to even have an alcoholic drink, much less any type of sexual
activity outside of marriage, and I am fairly sure they would still dismiss a
student whether gay or straight who was in an ongoing sexual relationship
without being married. And, as a private college that is and should be their
prerogative. But as groups such as Soul Force become more powerful, and they
are becoming so, accusations such as religious or other abuse are likely to
become more and more common. How much better to just separate this whole thing
out from religion in the first place, while making sure that private or
religious groups retain the liberty to speak what they believe is the truth as
they understand it? That is my fear with even calling long-standing same-sex
unions “gay marriage” and essentially attempting to recondition society to
accept those unions as such. Most people view marriage as a religious
institution, and feel threatened when something is called marriage that
historically has never been so. And for the record I saw that danger before
ever returning to the Roman Catholic Church, and had already begun to distance
myself from some of the more militant LBGT groups I was once part of as a
result.

I know it is a tricky balance, but the old adage
of “loving the sinner while hating the sin” is to me the safest approach.
Tricky though, because many “Christians” use that as an excuse to hate gay
people and that of course is seriously wrong. Tricky too, since those from a
more secular perspective sometimes use it as a reason to force a fairly radical
gay agenda on the rest of society. I think either approach is unbalanced, and just
continues or exacerbates the hatred or near hatred on both sides of this
teetering fence for each other, essentially wounding or even killing other
creative solutions that both could conceivably live with if they just listened
to one another with open hearts.

Having formerly been simultaneously a fairly
conservative Christian and actively LGBT, I have certainly had my share of
internal conflicts working this through. In my Protestant years, it is
absolutely true that, going strictly by verses from the Bible that directly
mentioned homosexuality, I did not think a strong enough case could be
made to definitively oppose living that lifestyle. What I never considered
however in those studies was the concept of Sacred Tradition, and the belief
that the Church, who had actually given us the Bible in the first place, also
has been given the authority to interpret it, and has consistently done so with
the idea of marriage being a sacred union between one man and one woman.
Obviously that view is in opposition to the culture we live in, and counter to
what I believed for many years even after my own very sincere study of Sacred
Scripture in a vacuum. But it is what I now believe to be true.

So what about gays and the Church? There needs to
be far more dialogue to be sure. There must be a genuinely welcoming atmosphere
and some allowance for those who have not come to the same conclusions I have
after years of both struggle and study. I certainly can judge no one who
disagrees with me. And in both cases just mentioned, most of Christianity,
including Catholicism, oftentimes has done a rather lousy job of reaching out
to the LGBT community. That absolutely needs to change.
However, I do not think it is best done by referring to something as marriage
that has never been historically considered as such by the Church! Loving all
people, welcoming them to Mass or church services, and yet teaching from the
pulpit what is official historic Catholic/Christian teaching is the only
intellectually honest approach I know to have. And I realize not everyone will
not be satisfied with that answer, but I do not see another better one on the
horizon.

I know this is somewhat long and drawn out but I
could not explain in 5 quick minutes all of the reasons I have listed here for
my changed views, and which took countless hours and even months of soul
searching to work out within my own mind and soul, so I appreciate your
patience for hearing my heart on this. You may still think I have jumped off
the deep end here, and that is your privilege, but I hope at least it may help
you understand the reasoning and thinking behind my beliefs.

But what I really pray and hope for most is a
balanced and compassionate approach which reaches out to gays and lesbians yet
does not undermine marriage as some outdated institution that needs to be
“redefined” and that allows for both groups to continue to reach out to one
another. Then perhaps we can at least begin to fulfill Jesus’ own prayer that
“we all may be one.”

RGE 12-1-08, revised 10-15-11

SOME THOUGHTS SINCE THAT WRITING:

A few months ago I regretfully was
“unfriended” by both Randi and Jacob Reitan, (very strong and
powerful LGBT advocates here in MN ) for suggesting that going to established
churches and Christian colleges to attempt to change their theology did not
make sense to me. It still doesn’t. Jacob started a group called “Freedom
Riders” a number of years ago which included a number of former students
of Christian private colleges who were expelled for being actively gay. I
totally respect both Randi (his mom, who started the infamous Target boycott
during the last governor’s election) and Jacob. He is an intelligent and caring
young man by anyone’s standards. They have since protested everywhere from
Focus on the Family headquarters to the Vatican and joined with Soulforce, an
activist group started by former Jerry Falwell “ghost writer” Mel White. But
respecting them does not mean I am forced to agree with their methods. In
sharing my disagreement I lost them as FB friends, and I find that regrettable.

It is that type of strategy I object to, and I
see it very often in politics on all sides. I wish for basic protections for
LGBT people–I am one. But to make ourselves “victims” when we are
not is pushing the envelope in my view. Further the views of those of us who
choose celibacy for religious reasons is most often either pitied or ridiculed,
but rarely understood. To me that is poverty. When I accepted the tenets of my
Catholic Christian faith no one put a gun to my head. The real victimization
here is when we do not respect one another. Disagreement should not be viewed
by automatic labels such as homophobia or bigotry.

I also had an experience with another LGBT
“activist” group commonly referred to as the “Rainbow
Sashers.” My experience with them dovetails this just a bit–and by the
way, yes I did wear a “sash”–one time only. I will not do so again.

In any case a number of years ago I attended a
“Rainbow Sash” gathering at the Cathedral of St Paul, which is my
home parish. This group generally meets at Cathedrals all over the nation and
beyond, on Pentecost, to protest Roman Catholic policy on not allowing Holy
Communion to openly non-celibate LGBT members of the Church. Regardless of
one’s opinion on that issue, and I have struggled with it myself but as already
shared do stand with the Church, their strategy is to interrupt Mass at a given
signal, usually during the sign of peace or shortly after, and then to go
forward during distribution of the Eucharist wearing the “sash” and
trying to pressure the priest, deacon, or Eucharistic Minister to present the
Sacred host to them.

My purpose that time in attending was to
support, as one who had “been there and back” so to speak, the right
of the Church to set standards on this issue. I listened carefully and my
absolute favorite priest in the world gave the homily that day. He explained
the Church position with absolutely no rancor, and then invited
“Sashers” who were present to come forward for a blessing, or to
simply remove the Sash and receive Holy Communion. They could even put the Sash
on afterwards again! The solution sounded more than reasonable to me. I
personally spoke to several members both before and after, told them of my
respect for this particular priest, and made sure to welcome them, as one of
their complaints (and perhaps rightly so) had been open hostility to them in
the past when attending these “Mass disruptions.” I also told them of my own
SSA background.

To my sadness, but not great surprise, they
wrote of their experience on the DIGNITY website (a site which
considers itself representative of Catholic Christian ideals–not endorsed by
the Church hierarchy however) and said something such as this ” Father
___scolded us and then refused us Holy Communion.” It was a blatant
and simplistic misrepresentation of his very difficult position. They did not
mention anything I had said to them nor did they mention the woman who nearly
knocked over one of the older female Eucharistic ministers as she literally
forced her hand into the ciborium of Communion hosts and began distributing
them freely herself. Nor the members of the Cathedral who were sitting in the
front row weeping quietly.

I say all of this to say–we can become so
much part of a “cause,” any cause, that we become blinded to how we
behave towards others as believers in Christ or just simply as other humans.
That is the bigger danger here. No one with an ounce of genuine compassion
wishes for hate crimes or deliberate bigotry towards other groups of people. But
institutions, Church, private schools, and the like, have the right to not be
intimidated into silence either. It is that kind of thing that stopped me from
being a “gay activist” even before my return to the Church. And when
I wavered and nearly went back, which some of you know I did a time or two this
last year, it is that kind of thing that reminded me of something my dad used
to and probably still does say (he is nearly 90 and going strong)–”My
freedom ends where yours begins.” Free speech is fine–a free-for-all is
not. As one of the posters said in response to this thread, this public style
of ridiculing others is now popular in our society. I see it as a sign of
something far deeper. Respect is gone. If tolerance does not exist in both
directions, it does not exist at all.

I am attaching a link to a very interesting
article which I recently came across which to me is a sign of hope—it is about
Bishop Thomas Tobin of Providence, RI. He is far from ultra-liberal, but speaks
about an option of “reciprocal benefits” which could give both sides what they
need. I like his approach. Here is the link:

 http://www.golocalprov.com/news/7553/

 And lastly, from an evangelical Protestant
perspective, hope comes as well from Tony Campolo. His link is below:

a_possible_compromise_on_the_gay_marriage_controversy

 I post these, not saying they are the final
word, but as clear evidence that there is room to think outside the pink
triangle or the church steeple—both which are similarly shaped,
incidentally—and to honestly and fully come to grips with each other in a
combination of gentle love and tough truth. There is indeed room in this world
for both the LGBT community and the traditional Church. And I am not the only
person who thinks so. Peace.

For more on this topic:

http://www.catholicvote.org/discuss/index.php?p=23911 

A great and well spoken article by Stephen White about the Sashers movement from a traditional Catholic perspective.

Related articles

• Dolan Rejects Debate Over Same-Sex Marriage (lezgetreal.com)
• Why Catholics Should Support the MN Marriage Protection Amendment (catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com)
• CELIBATE BUT NOT CHASTE??? CHASTE BUT NOT CELIBATE??? A Quick Catholic “Snapshot” of SSA Theology (catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com)
• Obama supports gay marriage (seattlepi.com)
• Leaked: White House Talking Points On Gay Marriage Flip (buzzfeed.com)
• Biden May Not Speak for Obama, But He Speaks for Most Catholics (newwaysministryblog.wordpress.com)

Ageism, Rome and the “New Media”

NOTE: I FIRST POSTED THIS LAST YEAR, BUT I AM EVEN A BIT OLDER NOW AND FEEL IT BEARS REPEATING FOR MANY REASONS.  THE PEOPLE INVOLVED AND I HAVE LONG SINCE MADE PEACE WITH ONE ANOTHER, BUT I THINK THE HURT OF THIS STILL GOES ON FOR MANY WITHIN THE CHURCH. 

WE HAVE DONE GREAT THINGS WITHIN THE CHURCH FOR THE YOUTH, BUT SOME OF US IN MIDDLE YEARS AND SINGLE ARE LITERALLY, AS TIM  LA HAYE MIGHT PUT IT, “LEFT BEHIND.”
PLEASE READ–AND COMMENT.  I THINK THIS IS AN IMPORTANT AND OFT-NEGLECTED TOPIC, BUT ONE OF GREAT IMPORTANCE.  TO ME IT CERTAINLY IS.

Pope Benedictus XVI (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Old people tend to weary me.  And I think I am not the only one to feel that way.  First let me clarify that I do not mean chronologically old necessarily.  I think that is what often and ever fools people.  To me someone becomes “old” when they no longer think, pray, study, grow or expand their horizons.  Blessed Mother Teresa was not old—not ever.  Neither was Blessed John Paul II nor is Pope Benedict XVI.  Each of them was or are vital, engaged people who are respected and revered nearly universally by young and old alike.

When I think of “old” I think of a person set in her or her ways, someone who spends more time talking about his afflictions or counting grandchildren rather than taking an interest in the world around him or beyond, or who alternatively just gives up and hits the casinos to spend money that she or he does not have, and that his children will never see.  For the record if any of the above things ever happen to me, I hereby give collective permission to just inject me lethally and have it done with.  That is not how I intend to go out!

When I was a child, I used to go visit people in the nursing home a block from where I grew up. I was maybe 10 or 11, and had a weekly routine of people to see each time I went. It never even occurred to me that this was not “normal” behavior for a boy of that age group.  But a local pastor who often visited there too actually contacted my mother and told her I was doing the “unheard of” by caring for the forgotten and forgetful!  I, on the other hand, just needed some friends and found it to be a treasure trove of them.  I also learned huge things from people whose grandparents were in the Civil War, who themselves had lived through World War I, and who knew our little town when it was truly little.   Thanks to those visits I still know the name of the town doctor from the 1920s and even the house where he lived.  I also became acquainted with the town “slut” from those roaring years—she too lived there and was on my visit list!  And no she did not try to seduce me either. It was definitely a rich and varied education for a young boy coming up in the later 1960s/early 70s and undoubtedly influenced both my ministry and calling to the health care field later on.  I did not do it to be charitable. I truly had a blast with it.

A few weeks back I was told by someone who I had “befriended” on Face Book that one of the reasons he hesitated to consider me an actual “friend” was my age.  Distance and common interests were the others. He is nearly 30 and is in reality an extremely nice person, with a deeply passionate love for God and others.  But the generational hang-up was and is real to him. Without knowing me other than on a surface level he had already to some extent written me off, at least initially. We did work it through but the hurt of that conversation is still very real to me and I very nearly left Face Book as a result.  Perhaps when that young man is 40 or maybe 50 he will rethink his position on us “old folks “or find to his dismay that he, too, is judged more by an additional 20 lbs, a sprinkling of grey hair (or perhaps the lack of hair altogether) rather than by his convictions, intelligence and interest in others who may be different than he is on some level.  By that time however I will be at least retirement age or maybe not even on this earth.  It will most likely be well beyond late for us to connect at some point in the unknown future.  The time is now or not.

A similar situation arose with someone else at nearly the same time.  This person took it upon himself to suggest that I join the Knights of Columbus or some other Catholic men’s association “in my area” of the geographical world rather than look to him for friendship, even though earlier on in our online contacts he appeared very interested in at least the occasional interaction with me. Besides looking terrible in a helmet, I as mentioned work 2 jobs and am taking a Church history class to boot.  I am as well in process of exploring lay Dominican life, so my time is actually farther stretched than some much younger folks in the college scene. All to say I do not need more parish involvement presently.

In any case I have not found that being involved in parish activities meets the needs in my life to simply chat and get to know others. Perhaps if I was married, had 10 grand-babies or loved football, it might. Or possibly if I was not so busy running from job to job that I nap many evenings and wake up at 2 AM it could also. The social life for us who are busy, single and permanently celibate can be close to nil sometimes.  That is not meant as a complaint but rather simply a fact of life. His suggestion betrayed to me a very polite way of saying “f—k off” please and very honestly felt somewhere between condescending and downright demeaning.  As an aside one of the parishes I am a part of (I currently attend two) has an “over 50” group.  That too should theoretically be “ideal” for me, at least one would think so. However they meet during daytime hours just once a month and on a weekday! I would actually have to miss work to attend.  Again good intentions but my age group and demographic was very unintentionally passed by.

Image via Wikipedia

I am neither JP2 nor Mother Teresa.  But I think my perspectives are often spot on, and if not I am willing to grow and listen to new and fresh thoughts and re-think my opinions. I have changed greatly both in my religious and political preferences in the last 6 years. Being around younger people is what frankly keeps me from feeling deceased before my time. I believe in this generation and am drawn towards the energy and zeal that I see in them.  I understand the huge investment that the Church needs to make in future generations—something that was sorely missing when I was growing up.  Blessed John Paul II saw this need and created World Youth Day as a result.  And he incidentally did so while a senior citizen! So I get that part. They are the future and I am rapidly becoming the past.

Another aspect of this is that my four children (in heaven via miscarriages) are almost exactly the age of some of those who I tend to befriend on here or other online venues, and I am sure that sense of the paternal figures in to some extent.  Being allowed to occasionally be a “father figure” to someone is a great gift to me, and hopefully to them as well. But the two persons I mentioned earlier do not know any of this about me and pointedly expressed their preferences to keep me at a safe distance, so they do not and will not probably ever see those other sides of who I am.  Nor will either of them most likely read this article for that matter, even though both have been invited to this blog even since the events which occurred between us. I am “old” in their eyes so, to some extent anyway, I am invisible. Then again perhaps, in reality, it may be they who have lost their sight.  It is hard to say since I after all wear the bifocals in this case.

Many people have expressed to me that the story of my return to the Church is “inspiring” and have often told me so, including the two persons I am writing about. But that falls short of wishing to connect with me on any personal level. I for instance happened to notice a photo of a beautiful Black Lab on the FB page of one of them.  He has no idea how much I too love dogs.  Or what music I like.  Or if some other part of my own journey to the Faith might help him out. His assumption that we have no common interests is an unwarranted and quite possibly inaccurate one besides. Age does actually bring wisdom on occasion and we can all acquire knowledge from others. It is unlikely that we will ever meet in person, but that does not make me less “real” or diminish my importance. In short I am more than a name or white bearded profile picture on a blog or FB page, or for that matter even an intriguing story to tell while warming by the online cyber-campfires! In short I am human and have something to offer.

In 2005 I met a young man in his 20s in the Catholic area of Yahoo Chat (that was when people still used Yahoo).  We found out that we both were named Richard, and both of us  were preparing to be confirmed into the Catholic Church on the same night,  Easter of 2006, although in different states—he in Michigan and myself here in MN.  I never was privileged to meet Richard, but when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer 2 years later we spent many, many hours, often late at night, on the phone, just talking about anything and everything and often praying together.  My own crucifix, a small gift to him, was used on the casket at his funeral.  And I know he now prays for me from his place on the other side.  I will forever be a better person for having known him, and am glad he did not say to me or me to him “well you live too far away for us to pursue a friendship.” His bravery at the end of his life gave me courage I will likely one day draw upon when my time comes. I pray so anyway.

Rich did not give a damn that I was 25 years his senior. He didn’t care.  I did not mind that he lived across the country and probably had different views on some issues than me.  We connected as humans and brothers—no more and no less.  And I think it is a sad sign of the times that people find such connections more and more difficult, ironically at a time when technology allows them in such an unprecedented way. We often miss the boat even when it sails directly past us.

As to my new “online acquaintances,” particularly the first one I wrote about, I think we may yet find, in time, that we do have things to share with one another. I truly hope so. To his absolute credit he spent a fair amount of his valuable time discussing it with me via email and I think well of him both for his candor and his efforts. My belief is that we both grew from the situation.  And, if not, I cannot fundamentally change another’s overall feelings or views,  so sulking about it or dropping my FB account is likely an overreaction and ironically denying myself the pleasure of so many others who do not view me as he obviously did or possibly still does.  But to say it didn’t sting—and hard—would be a lie. And, of the two of us, I might dare suggest perhaps that he, not me, was the one acting “old.”

Image by Rosie O’Beirne via Flickr

And old people really do make me weary.

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SSA/STRAIGHT MALE BONDING—A Primer

 QUICK DISCLAIMER:  I follow the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church on the issue of homosexuality, as I attempt to do in all areas of my life. I included some links below the article which have other views.  Sometimes we forget to listen to the other side, and that is, obviously, part of the problem in society today–we have quit listening.  But that is why those links are there and not to endorse teachings other than Catholicism. By God’s grace I have made the Catholic view my own. 

In writing this I am acutely aware that I am but one voice of many, and cannot nor would I presume to speak on behalf of all within the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) or SSA (same-sex attracted) communities.  I have never been a lesbian, for one thing, nor a cross-dresser or transsexual either. I am no better or worse, obviously, but simply have had different life experiences than they. I am a man who, for whatever reason, tends to be drawn to and have a desire for closer attachments to other men than some who are male and heterosexual may be comfortable with or used to.  My purpose in writing this is to appeal particularly to “straight” men who love Jesus Christ and might be willing to take up a challenge you never imagined before—that of authentically befriending someone from my background.  Truth be told, you probably already are friends with some of us—you just do not realize it.  They may not have told you, or you may not have guessed. But they are there or somewhere nearby. Today I am asking you to hear with your hearts from an SSA brother who may yearn for your presence in his life more than you know.

This type of bonding is a calling in the Church today which I believe needs to be answered and no longer swept under the scatter rugs of humanity.  While there seems to be no shortage of OSA (opposite-sex attracted) men with strong opinions on what may or may not actually cause the occurrence of SSA, as well as the legal and moral solutions to such, far fewer of those same men seem to have the ability or even the desire to reach out and integrate those of us from that background into the family of the Church as well as greater society.  We from the SSA world need you.

The Catechism teaches us that of the very important keys in assisting your SSA brothers to assimilate into the family of God (which we by the way are fully and clearly part of due to our baptism into Christ and the ever-living Tradition of just over 2000 years of Catholicism) is what article 2359 refers to as “disinterested friendship.”  A hugely significant key component at this juncture is to first clarify that this does not mean “uninterested” friendship (which by the way is not friendship at all). “Disinterested” by its definition means “impartial, fair-minded, neutral” (not in judging behavior but in judging the human involved in such behavior), and still being willing to be a friend and travelling companion to that person on their journey to wholeness. It may mean stepping into corners of your own life that are not totally comfortable—perhaps an isolated same-sex experience in your past or various other insecurities, whether sexual or otherwise, or facing a host of other outward differences which are not sexual in and of themselves but tend to be part of the LGBT community and those of us who are or have been drawn to it.

Queer Eye (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most men from SSA backgrounds, and again this is a broad sweep but I believe there is at least some truth in this next point, are probably less likely to have ever changed the oil in a car, excelled at sports such as football or other team oriented agonies which we in our society tend to falsely judge masculinity by, may be into classical music or jazz rather than grunge or rap, enjoy a nice glass of wine rather than a bottle of beer, maybe or even likely clean our homes better than you do, and might even be gourmet cooks. These differences are exactly that—differences.  They are neither good nor bad.  Many straight men fit exactly those same categories in fact. But there is a reason why television programs such as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy have gained in popularity over the last decade.  And those gifts as listed above are not ones we from SSA backgrounds are required to give up nor, in my opinion at least, should they be particularly tampered with usually. Gifts are good or bad according to how they are used.  And maybe your friend with SSA history or even current struggles can teach you a few things in those areas. No offense intended but some of you could actually learn a few things from us in the areas above. If you do not believe me ask your wives.

But so can we learn from you.  I, as a case in point, was pathetic at pretty much all team or other sports when I was growing up, and if my father had even once taken the time to pull me into the back yard and throw the ball with me or to take me fishing, just for two examples, I would have been so thrilled I probably would have announced it in “show and tell” during school. I also might have at minimum learned enough grace and skill to at least avoid being made the brunt of many cruel “sissy” jokes and being continually picked last on every team.  Those things stick with a person and, even at age 56 and having graduated 38 years ago this spring, still sting slightly as I write this. Don’t bother getting the Bactine however—I have learned to live with the person I am and am comfortable in my skin.  Some of your immediate reactions might be “wow what a whining child” that such memories still should haunt me. But they do.  And that brings me to primer point #1—do not try to figure us out, at least not totally. Far less important than why we feel such things are that simply we do.  Just imagine the unbelievable agony you may have felt at losing a woman or girlfriend you loved to another man, breaking your arm or leg in such a way which may have prevented you from excelling in a sport you had once shown great promise in, or when a coach or boss humiliated you totally after you did your level best.  You can forgive, and must, but the memory of such things does not generally leave you at least totally.  Our scars may be different outwardly, but scarring is universal.  We are more alike than you might have thought.

Jesus Christ Crucifix (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Point # 2 builds on # 1, but goes a bit deeper. Let us be emotional and share it. UGGGH you say…in fact I can hear you wincing and see some cringing all the way from sunny Minnesota as I write this on a lovely spring day.  I kind of say “ugghh” too actually.  I do not have a need to pour out my heart constantly—but I sometimes do. And you have a wife to hopefully do so with.  I do not. I am your perpetually single next-door neighbor—the one who is not going to ever be otherwise.  I am the one sitting adjacent to you at Mass or in Adoration, or who you even emailed and told me that my story is “inspiring.” But that is not the same as an offer of friendship on an equal level. And believe me I do know and feel the difference.

So what do I need from you? What is the idea of “disinterested” friendship and what does it entail?  It has already been established that we have more in common than you realized, and the biggest and by far most significant commonality is our faith in Christ and the Church. And many of us are deeply into the Faith, particularly because we have been, as the expression goes, “driven to our knees” in order to effectively deal with our own issues—we may be the ones actually taking the Bible classes offered by the parish, volunteering for church activities because most of us have fewer family obligations than you do, going to daily Mass, using our Rosaries for more than jewelry, and studying our theology regularly. So again please respect us for that. We may understand the Faith as well or better than you. Realize that our tattered past does not compose our present, any more than your former promiscuity or other areas of struggle make up yours.  Speaking of which, lust is lust. While I may be attracted to the strong legs or piercing eyes of another male, you may prefer the ample bosom or smooth skin of a female.  But both can bring us into sin and quickly. And in neither case is the attraction itself sinful. God made the human body and declared it to be “good.”  All parts included. Yet those attractions in either direction must be controlled and given back to God, however, and regardless of our orientation or inclinations we can even help one another by praying or sharing (not in gruesome detail obviously) some of those struggles with another man who really does understand the pain and guilt of giving in to lust.

Point # 3 and this is probably the biggest one of all—do not be so damnably fearful of us developing a “crush” on you.  And we might.  If you sense this happening, deal with it. How, you ask? What would you do if a woman seemed to expect more from you than you could give her?  You would, hopefully as the mature and kind-hearted Catholic Christian male you are, be very gentle with her, state your position, and clearly not reject her as a person or human even though you reject her advances.  I would contend that, with another male, it is even easier, not harder, to deal with such a situation. And I do not mean by punching the daylights out of him either.  First of all, we already know that the “crush” is a transient thing and cannot go anywhere.  We are acutely aware of this, trust me.  But, unlike the woman who you may have to totally cut off contact with due to your marriage or the like because of possible temptation or scandal, we are not a “threat” to you in those ways so breaking off the friendship is seldom warranted.  If we like you “too much” it is a simply a sign that you are meeting a legitimate need of intimacy in our lives. Be flattered but firm.  And do not push us away (unless we persist inappropriately of course).  I have had a handful situations in my life, even since my return to the Church, where I “tested the waters” at a weak moment and discovered nothing was ever going to occur with someone. In the cases I refer to here, the other persons involved in each case gave me genuine understanding, and the friendship remained strong—perhaps even stronger—as a result of the gentle compassion shown to me at that time. And no one lost. The built-in fear of rejection which most SSA males have towards other men, particularly those of the heterosexual variety, can be overwhelming and even crippling to some of us.  Please do not reinforce it.

So like us—love us—and do not ignore us even if you have had to give us the painful truth that we need to ease off a tad for whatever reason. But remain available. It will mean the world to us if you do. To some of you such an idea is so repugnant that you would much rather “leave it to the experts.”  I am here to say today that you, the straight male Catholic Christian, are the expert.  You are the example of manhood many of us have never known and mistakenly at times sexualized as a result.  To push us away at such a time is to bring us back to the playground in 4^th grade when we were called “fem” or “sissy,” or rejected from the team over and over. Some of you in fact were the very ones who did those kinds of things to us in the first place. So accept a healthy dose of Catholic guilt and let now be a great time for reparation therefore.  Am I suggesting not discussing it or clearly setting your limits when necessary?  Not at all. I am saying, just as with anyone you love, after the spanking (metaphorically speaking that is!) should come the hug. And be there to “hug” us so that we do not feel betrayed all over again. Many of us easily do.

Lastly all men with SSA do not have “crushes” on all men who are straight, so do not bother flattering yourself with that fear anyway.  Do you like every woman you meet?  Come to think of it, do not answer that question, except to your confessor! I know how some of you straight men are after all. Most likely not though.  And it is the same with us. You are probably not our “type” anyway so relax.  We are not all after all of you!!!

How do you begin then?  First of all knock off the “gay” or “faggot” jokes.  Most of them are not funny anyway, and you may be telling them in front of someone who has a secret you never dreamed of and hurting that person immensely.  You may be even preventing that person from ever saying to you that this indeed is their issue.  Do not do that to people Christ died for.  Second, be shocked at nothing during this new adventure. I have occasionally told a friend or even posted on my FB page that I thought a certain man was very attractive. This has scandalized a few at times and they have told me so.   My answer to them is always the same—“when I chose celibacy, I did not become blind.”  So try getting over the fact that I find hot men pretty.  I do. Appreciating the human form is not the sin here, whichever gender. The sin is in allowing it to lead you to lustful behavior. Let me be free enough with you that I can actually express even the less comfortable parts of myself with you without you freaking out on me.  Again, not in detail and not to dwell on, but since you are after all the card-carrying “macho man” you can handle it. Right? I thought so.

Well I am asking for a whole lot and I know it. But I do not ask primarily for me. I am asking for my good, strong, dear, and precious brothers in Christ who are dealing with SSA as a daily cross or struggle.  And most of the principles (if not the specifics) delineated here would likely apply to straight woman/lesbian friendships as well. We do not need you to “fix” us.  We are working on that already or should be.  But you are, by virtue of your manhood in Christ our Lord, actually part of the fix.  And we do very much wish you to include us in your lives and to let us return the favor. After all, that is what genuine friendship entails, whether “disinterested” or otherwise.

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HOPEFUL DESPAIR??? A POST-Lenten Reflection of Combat Then Clarity…

Roman Catholicism (Photo credit: tinou bao)

PLEASE NOTE–I posted this and another post during Lent, both which I feel were important life lessons to me and hopefully thus to others, and so many of you were “fasting” from blogging and Facebook that I think some of you missed them perhaps.  I therefore am re-posting them again this week, just after we celebrated the Resurrection of our Lord this past Sunday, and in the hopes that we all may continue the spirit of Lent and yet rejoice in the mercies of God, which are new each morning…Please be blessed by these words. Happy Easter.

This has been a peculiar week for me.  It seems to have begun Monday evening, after a conversation with a FB friend of mine who is a wonderful Episcopalian brother in Christ.  If you have read much of my blog, you may recall that, even after returning to Roman Catholicism in 2005, I went through a short period of total rejection of Rome in the latter part of 2010. That rejection led me into the ever-waiting arms of the Episcopal community, which I had been toying with on and off for perhaps over a year before making the rather short-lived but real leap to Anglicanism.

What I am about to share may sound like unkindness towards Episcopal Christians but is not really meant to. Two things however are very intriguing to me (and somewhat deceptive potentially) about that particular circle of believers. One is its overwhelming similarity to Rome, while all the while replacing the concept of submission to the Magisterium (the world’s bishops in union with Rome) with one’s own human reason.  You could for instance attend a Liturgy there and, if you had not carefully checked the sign outside of the building upon entering, not even realize you are in a technically Protestant ecclesia! The order of Liturgy is that similar. The second is a very open willingness, at least in my experience, to almost instantly becoming part of the membership.  While some would call this being “welcoming,” it can also lead to people making decisions that they are not spiritually ready for. I was invited to “join” the parish by a simple phone call, and told I could still retain membership in my Catholic parish simultaneously. Seductive indeed when you are questioning Rome while wishing to remain Catholic on some level at least.

Here then is the issue I have more than once faced even since returning to Rome:  Faith needs to be struggled with in order for it to become strong.  There are doctrines and practices within the hierarchical structure that I sometimes frankly yet do not understand, even after much study and 21 years of my life as a Roman Catholic.  Very honestly I suspect some of the readers can relate as well.  The proper way to deal with those questions is not to ignore them, but to face them while resolutely retaining a commitment to Catholic Christian principles.  Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman (a former Anglican clergy by the way) once said “Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt.”  Even our Blessed Mother questioned the angel Gabriel, after being told that she would bear the Messiah without the normal physical intimacy that (at least until this new generation of IVP and surrogate mothers) was and still in reality is necessary to produce earthly offspring. Mary’s question to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34) was immediately followed (1:38) with ^“Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

Statue of John Henry Newman (Cardinal Newman) at the Church of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Brompton Road, London, England. Popularly called Brompton Oratory. Photographed by me 29 September 2006. Oosoom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The point is here is that she wrestled.  The other point is she let God win the match.  When an ecclesial body is so anxious for membership that they accept anyone off the street, struggle or not, a very important step is missed for both they and that individual. Working through the seeming immediate despair of the battle actually leads to hope.  Not working it through keeps doubts firmly planted within, even when repressed, consciously or not, by the seeming freedom from authority and an “easy Catholicism.” As comedian and actor Robin Williams, a lapsed Catholic turned Episcopalian, says of his current faith “Catholic Lite – same rituals, half the guilt.” And he appears to be right on that count. Now back to me and this week…

Mother (Photo credit: racineur)

Although the time frame in 2010 when I walked along the ever-moving fractured ground of Anglicanism was relatively short (around 2 and ½ months), I think the after-shocks of that spiritual earthquake still exist and tend to haunt me at times.  Without going into much detail, I would say that by far the biggest issue for me was Church authority.  Settle that question, and the idea that Christianity cannot exist without said authority must then prevail—and that leads directly back to Rome for many reasons.  Others have written book-length apologetics on that very issue, so I will leave it to them if you wish to do further research on the topic.  I will list a few options and links at the end of this post, however, as it is an important supplement to this study.

But what if there really is no authority?  Or, as happened to me this week, a more subtle variation of this question might be, what if the authority of God is so huge, and so universal, that no one body on earth, whether Christian or otherwise, can claim those rights over other humans?  It seems to me that Christianity itself, and thus Catholicism as well, must rise or fall on that question.  If there is no real group that is “right,” then why am I worrying my rapidly aging head about same-sex marriage, for just one issue, the HHS mandate for another, or even abortion for a third? Why am I not able to re-interpret the 10 commandments into a more palatable set of guidelines for this day and age?  Why would sexual activity outside of marriage (to cite but one example of many) be sinful as long as I am loving, kind, and not deliberately using the other person?  Who draws what lines? Or do such lines even exist?

These are the things which Episcopalians are “muddy” about, and quite deliberately so.  And for Catholic Christians who, like me, become at moments “weary in well-doing,” the appeal to this line of thinking is undeniably tantalizing.  It is comparable with attempting to maintain a solid marriage while having one’s former mistress live next door, continually winking and nodding as she works scantily clad in her backyard garden. Or, to be more Biblical, to when King David decided to take a short vacation from being a warrior and started watching the neighborhood women bathe from his rooftop. Bathsheba surely waits for both David and each of us.

Anyway this happened to me.  This week. No, not the peeping Tom activity, but the “doubting Thomas” part at least. As a direct result of the chat with my Episcopal friend, I found myself listening to a wonderful and fascinating interview with a man by the name of Brian Deacon, who played Jesus in the movie (aptly named “Jesus”) from 1979.  A lapsed Catholic himself, now married to a Buddhist, he shared a very real and sincere journey which has seemingly kept him from making a commitment to any particular religion, while giving him yet a huge appreciation for the life and ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ.  What hit me was the realization that this man was searching, just as me, and on some level knew God, even though he did not claim or pretend to be a Christian as such. The idea both scared and exhilarated me. Was I wasting my efforts attempting to follow “Church rules and regulations” when all God wanted from me was—me?

On one level, I believe the answer is a resounding “yes.” God wants our hearts and sincerity and will settle for nothing less. I also believe that many from other religions or even no religion at all will one day realize that they were searching for God all along. And our own CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) gives us indication that, if so, those people of good will would find salvation (CCC# 847-848).  BUT—what of those of us who have already discovered Christ in a more specific way? Were we too gravely misled and naïve by thinking that our dogma and doctrine was untainted? Certainly the practices of the Church are not without a mixture of pink slime and holy water.  But what of the teaching itself?

 

I wrestled with this question for 2 days straight, staying up late into the night and praying, thinking, and praying some more. I wondered why the answer seemed to elude me, and finally began thinking of the Episcopal church yet again, knowing I could seek those answers there at my leisure and on my terms and still be more or less a “Catholic Christian.”  Yet I was not ready to give up on Rome either this time. I could on the other hand start attending both or so I reasoned anyway—immediately welcomed by the Anglicans and the Catholics would not need to know the difference, at least for now. I could listen to my own conscience rather than serving the seemingly distant values of the hierarchy.  It began to seem like the only rational answer. Until…

Peter. Simon Peter. St Peter, first earthly head of the Church and first to proclaim Jesus as Lord of all. And what Jesus said to him when he made that proclamation “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matt 16:18). Those are some strong and amazing words. And they were the answer I needed.  999 (yes Herman Cain!) of my 1000 questions still remain. But no more doubts. Just hours after I quietly told God I was going to resume my illicit affair with the “ever-waiting pretty-much-like-Catholic mistress” down the street, I had to refute that whole idea and admit that I was seeking for an answer I knew already in the person of Holy Mother Church.

There would be no early Church Fathers without St. Peter, the first Holy Father of the Christian Faith.  The fledgling Catholic Church approved each and every one of the solemn creeds that all Christians live by, such as the Apostle’s Creed and Nicene. The very teaching of the Trinity and in fact the Bible itself was established by councils and bishops who submitted to the bishop of Rome, otherwise known as the Pope, successor of St. Peter and Vicar of Christ.  You might ask me why I am Catholic, with all of the numerous scandals, misuses of money and even cold-blooded murders during such times as the Inquisition.  Let us call them what they are and not try to excuse them by the way. But, as the tremendous Catholic apologist Tim Staples, a former minister of the Assemblies of God just as I was, has loudly proclaimed, “do not forsake Peter because of Judas” (slight paraphrase but hopefully you get the point here).  Both denied Jesus during his most crucial moments, but one wept bitterly for his sin—and later became the leader Jesus had always intended him to be. Even during his greatest failing he never stopped loving our Lord. “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26: 41). I can identify. The other one fully despaired, and, with no “easy religion” left to fall back on, lost all of his remaining trust and hanged himself.  That is the difference between them—and the difference between near desolation and total despair.  One still had a thread of hope and clung to it tenaciously.  A “hopeful despair” if you will. And eventually the seeming despair lost its hold.

Jesus, followed by Simon Peter and Andrew (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Peter is why I am and remain a Catholic Christian.

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• http://www.ewtn.com/library/answers/popeapol.htm
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• Cover the Catechism in a year – in less than 10 minutes a day!(hughosb.wordpress.com)
• Madrid, Patrick–”Pope Fiction”  GREAT REFERENCE BOOK ON THIS TOPIC–available at all Catholic bookstores, especially Aquinas and More–
• Staple, Tim–”Why Be Catholic” DVD set–available from Catholic Answers (www.catholic.com)
• http://www.whyimcatholic.com/index.php/conversion-stories/catholic-reverts/item/60-catholic-revert-richard-evans– Dozens of conversion stories, including my own!

SCRIPTURE REFERENCES used in this post are courtesy of The Holy Bible, English Standard Version^® (ESV^®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007

Why This Blog??? A Holy Thursday Reflection

Blake Holy Thursday 1789 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Blessed Holy Thursday to each and every one of you. I chose to add this particular post on a separate page but also here, as it reflects far more than this day of Holy Thursday (or Maundy Thursday as some refer to it).

Today begins a slightly altered direction in my blog, not so much in content but just a more defined purpose. Please read it below, and know that your comments and thoughts are, as always, most welcome.  Blessed Easter Triduum to all of you.  See you after Easter!!!

Ephesians 4:1-16

1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all lowliness and meekness, with patience, forbearing one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call, 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of us all, who is above all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each of us according to the measure of Christ‘s gift. 8 Therefore it is said, “When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.” 9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower parts of the earth? 10 He who descended is he who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And his gifts were that some should be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the cunning of men, by their craftiness in deceitful wiles. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every joint with which it is supplied, when each part is working properly, makes bodily growth and upbuilds itself in love.”

All Scripture Quotations Holy Bible, Revised Standard Version (RSV), 2^nd Catholic Edition, Ignatius Press, 2006

On this Holy Thursday of 2012, I thought it appropriate to share my future vision for this blog and would ask that each of you take a few moments to read my simple thoughts.

First let me say that I am neither an apologist (in this case meaning one who makes a defense of the Faith), nor a theologian as such, although I happen to have some formal training in both areas.  What I am is a Christian who happens to be Roman Catholic, and decidedly so.

At the outset I wish to say that all are welcome here, Christians of all stripes as well as other world religions such as Jewish, Muslim, and others too who may not have any formal religion which they follow.  My only stipulation is that we remain respectful and understanding of each other’s views, even if they greatly differ from our own.  We will assume the good will of all unless utterly proven otherwise.

Cover via Amazon

My main purpose is not to convince you of the truth of Catholicism—which may surprise some of you and scandalize others.  My desire, however, is that we open up dialogue, both ecumenical (within Christianity) and inter-faith (with other world religions), and do so in such a way that the doors of honesty and respect stay open if at all possible.  If, during that dialogue, you find a hunger towards learning what brings a person such as me to the conviction that Catholicism is true, I would encourage you to ask me more about it. If I do not know the answer (and I surely do not know the Faith as fully as many others do nor would I pretend such a thing) I will in all cases attempt to direct you to persons or sites which may indeed provide the answers you seek.  My bigger concern however is to help and assist people towards seeing the reality of the one true God in their lives, and to at least investigate the possibility of that one God being in fact the Christian Triune God—the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  In short knowing Christ in a personal and committed way is first and foremost to me.

Beyond that initial investigation, however, I would particularly wish to invite former Catholics, such as I was for 35 years, to check once again on what you may have missed the first time around.  One of the principal surprises (and biggest blessings) I experienced when discerning re-entry to the Church was the Catechism of the Catholic Church, a book-sized officially binding Church document of around 800 pages, fully indexed by both topic and Scripture references and which was reviewed by all of the world’s available Catholic bishops as well as Blessed John Paul II before being released to the general public at the time of its publication in the 1990s. This book is the most complete overview of Catholic theology as it is understood in our day and age presently available and for me was an eye-opening experience as I did my own research into the Faith.  It is available online, and paperback copies at any bookstore sell for around 10 dollars. A link for it is at the bottom of this page.

I would also invite any Protestant or non-denominational Christian person who has even a casual interest in the distinctives of Catholic Christianity to stick around, ask questions, and become part of the dialogue here as well. Whether you choose to ultimately convert or not is obviously between you and God, certainly not with me or any other human. But you owe it to yourself to find out what Catholics truly believe, and not to base such a decision on hearsay or possibly prejudiced views from those outside the Catholic realm.  Servant of God Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen once said “”Not 100 in the United States hate the Roman Catholic Church, but millions hate what they mistakenly think the Roman Catholic Church is.” Profundity at its best.

Did I mention that my main purpose was not to “convert” anyone?  Well that is mostly true—but I happen to be Catholic because, after much prayer and study, I truly believe that the Church is the fullest expression of Biblical Christianity on earth. To some of you that may seem to be an outrageous claim, but I would implore you not to sack it just yet.  Please know though I do not believe that Protestant Christians are “second-class” in any way, and know very well that some Christians who are far from the beliefs of Rome live their faith in our same Lord Jesus Christ far better than many of us who claim to be walking in the “fullness of truth.”  But that reality does not make one or the other less or more true.  So again I would gently challenge those of other Christian beliefs, as well as those within other world religions or perhaps none, to look once again into the claims of the Catholic Church before setting it aside. If this blog can assist with that search, I would be honored and humbled.

More than anything, though, this site is indeed for all of us who love God and wish to love one another.  While I wholly believe in the idea of the outward unity of the Church, the far more basic issue is one suggested by Jesus Himself when He approached the young scribe with the biggest question of all—“Which is the great commandment in the law?”  The answer was not, “Join the Catholic Church, become Jewish or Muslim, or (paraphrasing another blogger of late) please just wait around another 1500 years or so and let John Calvin or Martin Luther explain the Bible to you—it isn’t even written yet for crying out loud!!!”  It was none of those things.  It was simple—basic—and profound—and impossible to do by our own efforts alone.

Matthew 22: 35-41

And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question, to test him. ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” ³⁷ And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”

That is the root and essence of Christianity and in fact most major world religions.

If we can develop an online community which even begins to succeed in doing that, then my purpose here in the blogosphere will be more than adequately fulfilled.

“Until we come into the unity of the Faith.” That is the goal.  And all of you who read this are welcome to assist us in finding that unity together.  Again, welcome, and know you are wanted here.

Detail of a painting by Pedro Berruguete (c. 1450 – 1504) showing Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Македонски: Детаљ од сликата „Исус се моли во Гетсиманската градина“ од Педро Беругете (~1450-1504). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

John 17:21

…”that they may all be one; even as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.”

Related articles:

• My Mid-life Crisis of Faith (or How I Broke My Father’s Heart)-Part 1 (thepassionatemoderate.com)
• No BOOGEY-MEN! Perceptions vs. realities of the Catholic Church (catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com)
• Revisiting Jefferson Bethke And Our Concept of “Religion” (catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com)
• HOPEFUL DESPAIR??? A Lenten Reflection of Combat Then Clarity… (catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com)
• ‘Quit the Catholic Church,’ (stannecenter.wordpress.com)
• Searchable Catechism of the Catholic Church (http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc.htm)

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HOPEFUL DESPAIR??? A Lenten Reflection of Combat Then Clarity…

Roman Catholicism (Photo credit: tinou bao)

This has been a peculiar week for me.  It seems to have begun Monday evening, after a conversation with a FB friend of mine who is a wonderful Episcopalian brother in Christ.  If you have read much of my blog, you may recall that, even after returning to Roman Catholicism in 2005, I went through a short period of total rejection of Rome in the latter part of 2010. That rejection led me into the ever-waiting arms of the Episcopal community, which I had been toying with on and off for perhaps over a year before making the rather short-lived but real leap to Anglicanism.

What I am about to share may sound like unkindness towards Episcopal Christians but is not really meant to. Two things however are very intriguing to me (and somewhat deceptive potentially) about that particular circle of believers. One is its overwhelming similarity to Rome, while all the while replacing the concept of submission to the Magisterium (the world’s bishops in union with Rome) with one’s own human reason.  You could for instance attend a Liturgy there and, if you had not carefully checked the sign outside of the building upon entering, not even realize you are in a technically Protestant ecclesia! The order of Liturgy is that similar. The second is a very open willingness, at least in my experience, to almost instantly becoming part of the membership.  While some would call this being “welcoming,” it can also lead to people making decisions that they are not spiritually ready for. I was invited to “join” the parish by a simple phone call, and told I could still retain membership in my Catholic parish simultaneously. Seductive indeed when you are questioning Rome while wishing to remain Catholic on some level at least.

Here then is the issue I have more than once faced even since returning to Rome:  Faith needs to be struggled with in order for it to become strong.  There are doctrines and practices within the hierarchical structure that I sometimes frankly yet do not understand, even after much study and 21 years of my life as a Roman Catholic.  Very honestly I suspect some of the readers can relate as well.  The proper way to deal with those questions is not to ignore them, but to face them while resolutely retaining a commitment to Catholic Christian principles.  Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman (a former Anglican clergy by the way) once said “Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt.”  Even our Blessed Mother questioned the angel Gabriel, after being told that she would bear the Messiah without the normal physical intimacy that (at least until this new generation of IVP and surrogate mothers) was and still in reality is necessary to produce earthly offspring. Mary’s question to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34) was immediately followed (1:38) with ^“Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

Statue of John Henry Newman (Cardinal Newman) at the Church of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Brompton Road, London, England. Popularly called Brompton Oratory. Photographed by me 29 September 2006. Oosoom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The point is here is that she wrestled.  The other point is she let God win the match.  When an ecclesial body is so anxious for membership that they accept anyone off the street, struggle or not, a very important step is missed for both they and that individual. Working through the seeming immediate despair of the battle actually leads to hope.  Not working it through keeps doubts firmly planted within, even when repressed, consciously or not, by the seeming freedom from authority and an “easy Catholicism.” As comedian and actor Robin Williams, a lapsed Catholic turned Episcopalian, says of his current faith “Catholic Lite – same rituals, half the guilt.” And he appears to be right on that count. Now back to me and this week…

Mother (Photo credit: racineur)

Although the time frame in 2010 when I walked along the ever-moving fractured ground of Anglicanism was relatively short (around 2 and ½ months), I think the after-shocks of that spiritual earthquake still exist and tend to haunt me at times.  Without going into much detail, I would say that by far the biggest issue for me was Church authority.  Settle that question, and the idea that Christianity cannot exist without said authority must then prevail—and that leads directly back to Rome for many reasons.  Others have written book-length apologetics on that very issue, so I will leave it to them if you wish to do further research on the topic.  I will list a few options and links at the end of this post, however, as it is an important supplement to this study.

But what if there really is no authority?  Or, as happened to me this week, a more subtle variation of this question might be, what if the authority of God is so huge, and so universal, that no one body on earth, whether Christian or otherwise, can claim those rights over other humans?  It seems to me that Christianity itself, and thus Catholicism as well, must rise or fall on that question.  If there is no real group that is “right,” then why am I worrying my rapidly aging head about same-sex marriage, for just one issue, the HHS mandate for another, or even abortion for a third? Why am I not able to re-interpret the 10 commandments into a more palatable set of guidelines for this day and age?  Why would sexual activity outside of marriage (to cite but one example of many) be sinful as long as I am loving, kind, and not deliberately using the other person?  Who draws what lines? Or do such lines even exist?

These are the things which Episcopalians are “muddy” about, and quite deliberately so.  And for Catholic Christians who, like me, become at moments “weary in well-doing,” the appeal to this line of thinking is undeniably tantalizing.  It is comparable with attempting to maintain a solid marriage while having one’s former mistress live next door, continually winking and nodding as she works scantily clad in her backyard garden. Or, to be more Biblical, to when King David decided to take a short vacation from being a warrior and started watching the neighborhood women bathe from his rooftop. Bathsheba surely waits for both David and each of us.

Anyway this happened to me.  This week. No, not the peeping Tom activity, but the “doubting Thomas” part at least. As a direct result of the chat with my Episcopal friend, I found myself listening to a wonderful and fascinating interview with a man by the name of Brian Deacon, who played Jesus in the movie (aptly named “Jesus”) from 1979.  A lapsed Catholic himself, now married to a Buddhist, he shared a very real and sincere journey which has seemingly kept him from making a commitment to any particular religion, while giving him yet a huge appreciation for the life and ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ.  What hit me was the realization that this man was searching, just as me, and on some level knew God, even though he did not claim or pretend to be a Christian as such. The idea both scared and exhilarated me. Was I wasting my efforts attempting to follow “Church rules and regulations” when all God wanted from me was—me?

On one level, I believe the answer is a resounding “yes.” God wants our hearts and sincerity and will settle for nothing less. I also believe that many from other religions or even no religion at all will one day realize that they were searching for God all along. And our own CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) gives us indication that, if so, those people of good will would find salvation (CCC# 847-848).  BUT—what of those of us who have already discovered Christ in a more specific way? Were we too gravely misled and naïve by thinking that our dogma and doctrine was untainted? Certainly the practices of the Church are not without a mixture of pink slime and holy water.  But what of the teaching itself?

 

I wrestled with this question for 2 days straight, staying up late into the night and praying, thinking, and praying some more. I wondered why the answer seemed to elude me, and finally began thinking of the Episcopal church yet again, knowing I could seek those answers there at my leisure and on my terms and still be more or less a “Catholic Christian.”  Yet I was not ready to give up on Rome either this time. I could on the other hand start attending both or so I reasoned anyway—immediately welcomed by the Anglicans and the Catholics would not need to know the difference, at least for now. I could listen to my own conscience rather than serving the seemingly distant values of the hierarchy.  It began to seem like the only rational answer. Until…

Peter. Simon Peter. St Peter, first earthly head of the Church and first to proclaim Jesus as Lord of all. And what Jesus said to him when he made that proclamation “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matt 16:18). Those are some strong and amazing words. And they were the answer I needed.  999 (yes Herman Cain!) of my 1000 questions still remain. But no more doubts. Just hours after I quietly told God I was going to resume my illicit affair with the “ever-waiting pretty-much-like-Catholic mistress” down the street, I had to refute that whole idea and admit that I was seeking for an answer I knew already in the person of Holy Mother Church.

There would be no early Church Fathers without St. Peter, the first Holy Father of the Christian Faith.  The fledgling Catholic Church approved each and every one of the solemn creeds that all Christians live by, such as the Apostle’s Creed and Nicene. The very teaching of the Trinity and in fact the Bible itself was established by councils and bishops who submitted to the bishop of Rome, otherwise known as the Pope, successor of St. Peter and Vicar of Christ.  You might ask me why I am Catholic, with all of the numerous scandals, misuses of money and even cold-blooded murders during such times as the Inquisition.  Let us call them what they are and not try to excuse them by the way. But, as the tremendous Catholic apologist Tim Staples, a former minister of the Assemblies of God just as I was, has loudly proclaimed, “do not forsake Peter because of Judas” (slight paraphrase but hopefully you get the point here).  Both denied Jesus during his most crucial moments, but one wept bitterly for his sin—and later became the leader Jesus had always intended him to be. Even during his greatest failing he never stopped loving our Lord. “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26: 41). I can identify. The other one fully despaired, and, with no “easy religion” left to fall back on, lost all of his remaining trust and hanged himself.  That is the difference between them—and the difference between near desolation and total despair.  One still had a thread of hope and clung to it tenaciously.  A “hopeful despair” if you will. And eventually the seeming despair lost its hold.

Jesus, followed by Simon Peter and Andrew (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Peter is why I am and remain a Catholic Christian.

Related articles

• Catholic First, Christian First (catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com)
• Archbishop Rowan Preaches to the Pope in Rome (kiwianglo.wordpress.com)
• http://www.catholic.com/magazine/articles/according-to-scripture
• http://www.ewtn.com/library/answers/popeapol.htm
• Lent 2012 – SUFFERING, Participating in the Cross of Christ (deaconjohnspace.wordpress.com)
• Deacon Robert Mercer: Former Anglican Bishop Ordained a Deacon (frstephensmuts.wordpress.com)
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• Cover the Catechism in a year – in less than 10 minutes a day!(hughosb.wordpress.com)
• Madrid, Patrick–”Pope Fiction”  GREAT REFERENCE BOOK ON THIS TOPIC–available at all Catholic bookstores, especially Aquinas and More–
• Staple, Tim–”Why Be Catholic” DVD set–available from Catholic Answers (www.catholic.com)
• http://www.whyimcatholic.com/index.php/conversion-stories/catholic-reverts/item/60-catholic-revert-richard-evans– Dozens of conversion stories, including my own!

SCRIPTURE REFERENCES used in this post are courtesy of The Holy Bible, English Standard Version^® (ESV^®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007