SOME MILESTONES, AN AWARD…AND DR THOMAS HOWARD TOO!

This blog went “live” on November 11, 2011, just over 3 months ago.  Since that time, I have had some great opportunities to connect, not only with my Facebook family and friends who were already following my sometimes inane but occasionally inspired  words, but with a far larger audience within the greater blogosphere.

Just a few statistics that humble me and yet encourage me forward…Today I will be hitting my 14,000th “hit.”  Largely this is due to numerous friends who have helped promote this blog, to those who as I said had already been reading my thoughts and words from FB, and, more than anything, to Tito Edwards, who has generously and often promoted me through daily blog links to numerous Catholic sites through his page:

 http://thepulp.it/

and which is also published within the National Catholic Register (now owned and operated by EWTN)  blog page on a daily basis. That has been some beautiful exposure to say the very least.

Cover of Through Gates of Splendor

I also have connected with 91 nations, posted 126 separate times, and had as diverse an audience as the well-known and highly regarded Dr. Thomas Howard, who I write about in my conversion story and who is the brother of Elisabeth Elliott (whose husband Jim was a martyred missionary to Ecuador and a hero of mine even in my teen years). Both of them are tremendous authors and indeed have stories to tell which the whole Christian wold has taken note of over the years. Dr. Howard and I have corresponded over the last 5 years, and he gave me permission to quote him regarding my blog stating:

“Well, bravo. Your piece on abortion was “bang on”, as the English say. It’s encouraging to know you’re in there fighting the good fight.The responses you got were also encouraging. You speak with great courage and circumspection. And again, orchids and laurels to you for what you’re doing.”

Pretty rich endorsement from one of  the former editors of Christianity Today, and  author of so many books which have helped and guided people such as the great Jeff Cavins during his own return to the Faith.

Another person whose site has referred many to mine is Patrick Vandapool. I first came into contact with this unique man on FB, and have continued to stay in touch through his blog “A Catholic UNapologist” which is pretty–well, unapologetic.  While he and I have distinctly different styles, we share a love for the Lord and the Catholic Faith, and I am proud to consider him a friend and fellow sojourner.  Here is a link to his page:

http://patrickvandapool.com/

And last but certainly not least, I actually won an award via a new friend,  Tony Layne, whose blog “Outside the Asylum” is just one of those well-written and charitable perspectives within the Faith.  He always has some good stuff to say. I humbly thank you Tony! Visit him at:

http://tonylayne.blogspot.com/

And here is the award:

I have probably forgotten someone, but I do know this, each person who has ever stopped by even for a moment has been important to me, and caused me much gladness to be within the ever-widening circle of Catholic Christian blogging!   I do not know what the future holds, in a year my blog may be doubled in size, or it may be defunct. Only our Lord knows.  My last blog had exactly 4 followers in as many years, and I was one of the four!  This one so far has over 170 and again in just 3 months. I can only believe God has some purpose in my words going out in directions I would not have imagined 6 months ago.  I would, more than anything, therefore ask humbly for your prayers that I may continue to use it in a way He sees fit.  And I love being able to share my heart with so many.

God’s peace to each of you and thanks again.

Related articles

• My Story…Again (catholicboyrichard.wordpress.com)
• The Ecuadorian Martyrs (challies.com)
• Through the Gates of Splendor – 5 missionaries speared to death in 1956 on a beach in Peru (documentary) (rodiagnusdei.wordpress.com)

Face Book and “Friendship”

Image by Guillaume Paumier via Flickr

 

I have learned or perhaps re-learned a truly painful lesson regarding Face Book. “Friends” online are not always friends in life.  I am not talking about cyber-stalking or other such dangers either, but something quite different. Read on and you will see what I mean.

We each have a story to tell. I have told mine quite publicly and at times people have been kind enough to comment on it or encourage me to keep sharing.  So I do. Many times I have then added those same folks to my FB ”friends” list only to find that they are not interested in my friendship. Not at all. And the pain that causes is a deep-seated one, because a sense of betrayal tends to go along with it as well as losing contact with someone you have previously enjoyed speaking to.  But it happens frequently in this online world we have created and live in, and the rest of this post will give some suggestions (first of all to myself) on how to deal those situations when, not if, they arise.

On reflection today I have been asking myself some things I can do, both for me and others, to avoid such scenarios as what happened to me last night.  I was privately messaged by someone I respected greatly in the Faith who bluntly told me to “quit posting on his page every few days” and that he didn’t mind being my “occasional acquaintance” but otherwise basically to leave him alone.

What baffled me was that this same person has promoted my own story of return to the Faith to his other FB friends, called me his “good friend” on several occasions and even told me some personal things about his family and the like. I truly thought we were actual friends.  Perhaps he was reading some of my posts wrongly or just was tired of me for reasons I have yet to know.  I do not know and most likely never will, as he then blocked me after our discussion became rather heated on both sides.  What I do know is that it left me feeling physically ill.  I also have another FB ”friend” online who I had met through this person and found out that he too, although much more polite about it, felt pretty much exactly the same way about my posts.

So rather than wasting a perfectly good stomach ache, I decided to spend some time thinking through what could have made both of these young men feel as they did about me. Nothing is earth-shattering here, but I did find some take-aways and would like to pass them on to you for what they may be worth.

1)  Do not mistake “friendliness” for friendship. Online or in person. It just isn’t.  Does this mean you cannot have online friends that go beyond the Internet?  Not at all.  But it does mean to proceed with much caution, and slowly.  Someone may one day pour their heart out to you and it may be the alcohol or pot talking or the loneliness of that particular moment in their lives.  But it does not mean that they are inviting you into their lives. You may simply be the “replacement bartender.” Kind of kills the ego, but it is the truth.

2)  Be careful what you post.  In both of these cases, looking back at my own posts to them I realized that I had taken liberties–teasing them about things, or saying things that might have been construed as a put down at times.  That was never once my intent, but it does not matter once it is typed out in black and white.  You can mean something very good-naturedly but they do not see your face, hear the inflection of your voice, or otherwise have clues besides the hard, cold written words.  Know someone very well, and most of the time in person only, before you make off-handed jokes or comments that could unintentionally hurt.  Lesson learned. Indeed.

3)  I realized just today that I have a habit of not reading someone’s FB page or blog for several days, and then suddenly read it for 20-30 minutes or more, commenting on whatever I see that interests me.  I think that is perhaps the biggest mistake of all here.  To me, I am just ”catching up.”  However to that other person, and they are real people, by the way, just as I am or you are, I might seem to be “machine gunning” their FB page or blog  with all kinds of comments and unneccessary remarks, and in some cases on posts that they are no longer even interested in discussing. The post may be new to me but not them.  I have had that very thing done to me, and I do not like it either.  I was completely blind to the fact that I was doing this to others. Painful lesson learned.  And one I do not expect to forget.

Furthering this line of discussion, a well placed comment, here and there, is usually plenty in most cases.  And we all know people in the real-time world who speak just occasionally but when they do speak, their words bear weight as a result. Cyber comments lose their effectiveness too when peppered all over the place.  The person may also feel, right or wrong, a sense of obligation or guilt when they do not respond to each one individually.  I do not really think it was a matter of how many times a week I was commenting on my one FB friend’s page.  I think it was more that he was reading them all at once when he did sign on and I was probably overwhelming him with my presence when he had other things to do. There are many ways to over-stay one’s welcome, both in daily life or on the Internet.

4) Demand nothing. Again it may not be in the least intentional on your part, but it is their page, not yours. If they choose not to comment back on your remarks, let it go. Asking about an unresponded to comment can seem demanding, even if not meant to be. Or ask them in a private message if you may have said or done something amiss. What I may mean, as said already, in a good-natured way can look like “bitchiness” once it is in print.  Remember that person owes you exactly nothing.

So I lost 2 FB friends–but I did actually gain something from it other than missing the first Sunday Mass in Advent and physical pain as a result of my stomach condition, which did actually go into flare-up mode over this.  It is certainly possible in either case that something else was going on in their lives that I did not know about besides. Perhaps some off-hand comment set off an anger that would not normally be there, I am not sure. What I do know is that I very much regret the situation, and that I could have handled it better. Then again so could they have. But even the recent past is the past.  And yet once more  the biggest re-learned lesson is not to trust everything you read, even when someone calls you a “good friend.”

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