Tag Archives: Rome

Father Thomas D Williams and “Victim Mentality”

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I am sure I am going to burst many a bubble with this post but I am–note I said am–present tense–a deep admirer of Father Thomas D Williams, who recently admitted fathering a child out-of-wedlock and is now quietly at home with his family while battling cancer. While, in a sense, what he did or did not do victimizes us all in that what hurts one hurts all, yet in a far greater sense, unless he molested minors or coerced women in the confessional, what he did really should only make us sad for all of those involved.

At the outset let it be said that much of this story has not been yet dissected and analyzed. I may change or at least modify my views if it is discovered that he has been guilty of illegal activity, and that could certainly still occur. Senior Correspondent John L Allen of NCR (National Catholic Reporter), stated that “rumors” are afloat that Williams has had numerous affairs and encounters, in some cases possibly with his students, and if so the above picture changes and quickly.

But, for now, what we know positively is this only–Father Williams is a biological father as well as a spiritual one. He is indeed a “daddy” in several more ways than one. He has at times removed more than his Roman collar in the presence of at least one or more attractive women, and not for purposes of doing the laundry either.  And the immediate cry from the blogosphere, ad nauseam and per usual, is “the Church is at fault for insisting on priestly celibacy.”  But are they really? Maybe–or maybe not. Still we do know that the gun was not placed to his head (either upper or lower) when he took those vows and began to follow publicly the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience.

One thing deeply disturbs me though. I have yet to hear or read about anyone attacking the Church for her insistence, on the parts of priests or religious, to follow the other two “counsels” here, at least in the above-named case.  I suspect some may have done so or yet will, but those comments or observations are not what hits the news in a titillating case such as the dashing Father Williams. I wonder though why not?

What if, instead of focusing on “celibacy” as the culprit, we were to take this situation and use it to recognize what we do to priests, nuns, other religious, and for that matter those of other faiths who are thrown into the public eye, kept there mercilessly, and are subsequently bull-dozed as a result when our seduction of them is finished?

Truth be told, part of me, or you, may be just a bit jealous of the good Padre. Not at the moment, to be sure, but exactly who would not wish to look like a contestant for “Dancing with the Stars,” write 14 successful books, live in the Eternal City, and yet spend my life travelling to-and-fro for my next and bigger appearances on international television year upon year?  I too might eventually neglect the Liturgy of the Hours too sometimes if I were being wined and dined by the likes of Katie Couric, and it might swell my head more than I could publicly admit if I knew she was referring to me as “Father What-A-Waste.”

Katie Couric

Katie Couric (Photo credit: Image Editor)

And here is what is sad and perhaps even tragic about all of this attention and living next to, but not participating in, the glitz and glamor our world handily provides almost all other men or women with such outward physical attributes. It is like shopping all day, every day, in Macy’s but going home to my  Wal-Mart furnished apartment. Can it be done? Yes, and there are a handful of heroic souls who do so. But not many of us would slip by completely unscathed without at least a passing sense of wonder and curiosity about how the other side lives.

That is, at least in part, why I believe Father, and many others in such situations, fall prey to such temptations. While it is true he admittedly broke his vows (and such admission by the way takes more courage than most people, priest or parishioner, married or single can muster in a lifetime), it was the other two evangelical virtues that are probably far harder to follow in a case such as his and likely led to his (hopefully) temporary downfall. Poverty says “nothing is mine.”  Nothing. Jesus told us that the rich young ruler, who incidentally was chaste and obedient to literally all of the Ten Commandments “from his childhood,” would have a more difficult time entering the Kingdom of Heaven than a camel passing through the eye of a needle. Hard words from our kind Lord, especially for someone who wanted to follow Him and who sought Him out to offer his services. But he did not understand poverty of spirit. Stronger than this, though, or perhaps even coming directly from this, was and is the issue of undying obedience to Christ and the Church every single minute while the world watches, lying in wait to trip us up. How strong and consistent of a prayer life could possibly be occurring in the life of someone who spends their time jet-setting across the continents, working probably 20 hour days 7 days weekly, having women (and men) constantly throwing themselves at him with less than spectacular motives on likely a daily basis, and then watching, as we all do, the biological clock slowly tick away at his chances for another life or lifestyle ?  I would venture a guess that he is somewhere in the vicinity of 40 years of age by now, and that means in 10 short years  he will be 50,  then soon 60 and onward it goes. Life is fast, and handsome is never forever.

Ten Commandments

Ten Commandments (Photo credit: glen edelson)

I am also not sure what type of cancer he has, but add that word into the picture and the term “mid-life crisis” has a very possibly much more ominous meaning than ever before in his own life experience. And, wrong though it is, the words “last chance” begin to dance around in his brain. And so he gives in.

What we have done by our over-infatuation with this “pretty priest” is to set him up for huge and overwhelming occasions of sin. Now that he has indeed fallen, he will likely soon be mostly forgotten except for the occasional cocktail jokes and atheist websites. This for a man whose ambition was perhaps to be one day a Cardinal or even Pope. Celibacy did not do this to him. Misplaced hero-worship did. And again I do not take away from the fact of his personal responsiblity here. He has some. Plenty, in fact. He made poor choices and is now paying deeply for them.  But 1 John 2:15-17 tells us that 3 things, which correspond very closely to the above-mentioned evangelical counsels which very cleric, and in fact every Christian, are called to follow, are each part of the issue and to reduce it to the celibacy question is to miss this point entirely in my view.

15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16　For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17　And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.

Verse 16 pretty much sums it up. Losing chastity (desires of the flesh), poverty (desires of the eyes) and obedience (pride of life) each work in tandem to kill the soul. And Father Williams’ very eternal soul is at stake to be sure. We  collectively turned him into a superstar, throwing him meaningless accolades while placing him into occasion after occasion of sin, and then rejoice that he finally got “caught.” And now we can throw him away. And we too can find a new “victim.”

Yes the people of God and our Church are surely victims here–but so is he. And to the 50% of clergy addicted to porn, and those of us, me included, who destroyed our Christian marriages or states of life due to infidelities, sexual or otherwise, which we can never take back once committed, maybe we should put down our stones and get on our knees instead.

Have you prayed for your priest today?

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HOPEFUL DESPAIR??? A POST-Lenten Reflection of Combat Then Clarity…

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Roman Catholicism

Roman Catholicism (Photo credit: tinou bao)

PLEASE NOTE–I posted this and another post during Lent, both which I feel were important life lessons to me and hopefully thus to others, and so many of you were “fasting” from blogging and Facebook that I think some of you missed them perhaps.  I therefore am re-posting them again this week, just after we celebrated the Resurrection of our Lord this past Sunday, and in the hopes that we all may continue the spirit of Lent and yet rejoice in the mercies of God, which are new each morning…Please be blessed by these words. Happy Easter.

This has been a peculiar week for me.  It seems to have begun Monday evening, after a conversation with a FB friend of mine who is a wonderful Episcopalian brother in Christ.  If you have read much of my blog, you may recall that, even after returning to Roman Catholicism in 2005, I went through a short period of total rejection of Rome in the latter part of 2010. That rejection led me into the ever-waiting arms of the Episcopal community, which I had been toying with on and off for perhaps over a year before making the rather short-lived but real leap to Anglicanism.

What I am about to share may sound like unkindness towards Episcopal Christians but is not really meant to. Two things however are very intriguing to me (and somewhat deceptive potentially) about that particular circle of believers. One is its overwhelming similarity to Rome, while all the while replacing the concept of submission to the Magisterium (the world’s bishops in union with Rome) with one’s own human reason.  You could for instance attend a Liturgy there and, if you had not carefully checked the sign outside of the building upon entering, not even realize you are in a technically Protestant ecclesia! The order of Liturgy is that similar. The second is a very open willingness, at least in my experience, to almost instantly becoming part of the membership.  While some would call this being “welcoming,” it can also lead to people making decisions that they are not spiritually ready for. I was invited to “join” the parish by a simple phone call, and told I could still retain membership in my Catholic parish simultaneously. Seductive indeed when you are questioning Rome while wishing to remain Catholic on some level at least.

Here then is the issue I have more than once faced even since returning to Rome:  Faith needs to be struggled with in order for it to become strong.  There are doctrines and practices within the hierarchical structure that I sometimes frankly yet do not understand, even after much study and 21 years of my life as a Roman Catholic.  Very honestly I suspect some of the readers can relate as well.  The proper way to deal with those questions is not to ignore them, but to face them while resolutely retaining a commitment to Catholic Christian principles.  Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman (a former Anglican clergy by the way) once said “Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt.”  Even our Blessed Mother questioned the angel Gabriel, after being told that she would bear the Messiah without the normal physical intimacy that (at least until this new generation of IVP and surrogate mothers) was and still in reality is necessary to produce earthly offspring. Mary’s question to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34) was immediately followed (1:38) with “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

Statue of John Henry Newman (Cardinal Newman) ...

Statue of John Henry Newman (Cardinal Newman) at the Church of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Brompton Road, London, England. Popularly called Brompton Oratory. Photographed by me 29 September 2006. Oosoom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The point is here is that she wrestled.  The other point is she let God win the match.  When an ecclesial body is so anxious for membership that they accept anyone off the street, struggle or not, a very important step is missed for both they and that individual. Working through the seeming immediate despair of the battle actually leads to hope.  Not working it through keeps doubts firmly planted within, even when repressed, consciously or not, by the seeming freedom from authority and an “easy Catholicism.” As comedian and actor Robin Williams, a lapsed Catholic turned Episcopalian, says of his current faith “Catholic Lite – same rituals, half the guilt.” And he appears to be right on that count. Now back to me and this week…

Mother

Mother (Photo credit: racineur)

Although the time frame in 2010 when I walked along the ever-moving fractured ground of Anglicanism was relatively short (around 2 and ½ months), I think the after-shocks of that spiritual earthquake still exist and tend to haunt me at times.  Without going into much detail, I would say that by far the biggest issue for me was Church authority.  Settle that question, and the idea that Christianity cannot exist without said authority must then prevail—and that leads directly back to Rome for many reasons.  Others have written book-length apologetics on that very issue, so I will leave it to them if you wish to do further research on the topic.  I will list a few options and links at the end of this post, however, as it is an important supplement to this study.

But what if there really is no authority?  Or, as happened to me this week, a more subtle variation of this question might be, what if the authority of God is so huge, and so universal, that no one body on earth, whether Christian or otherwise, can claim those rights over other humans?  It seems to me that Christianity itself, and thus Catholicism as well, must rise or fall on that question.  If there is no real group that is “right,” then why am I worrying my rapidly aging head about same-sex marriage, for just one issue, the HHS mandate for another, or even abortion for a third? Why am I not able to re-interpret the 10 commandments into a more palatable set of guidelines for this day and age?  Why would sexual activity outside of marriage (to cite but one example of many) be sinful as long as I am loving, kind, and not deliberately using the other person?  Who draws what lines? Or do such lines even exist?

These are the things which Episcopalians are “muddy” about, and quite deliberately so.  And for Catholic Christians who, like me, become at moments “weary in well-doing,” the appeal to this line of thinking is undeniably tantalizing.  It is comparable with attempting to maintain a solid marriage while having one’s former mistress live next door, continually winking and nodding as she works scantily clad in her backyard garden. Or, to be more Biblical, to when King David decided to take a short vacation from being a warrior and started watching the neighborhood women bathe from his rooftop. Bathsheba surely waits for both David and each of us.

Anyway this happened to me.  This week. No, not the peeping Tom activity, but the “doubting Thomas” part at least. As a direct result of the chat with my Episcopal friend, I found myself listening to a wonderful and fascinating interview with a man by the name of Brian Deacon, who played Jesus in the movie (aptly named “Jesus”) from 1979.  A lapsed Catholic himself, now married to a Buddhist, he shared a very real and sincere journey which has seemingly kept him from making a commitment to any particular religion, while giving him yet a huge appreciation for the life and ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ.  What hit me was the realization that this man was searching, just as me, and on some level knew God, even though he did not claim or pretend to be a Christian as such. The idea both scared and exhilarated me. Was I wasting my efforts attempting to follow “Church rules and regulations” when all God wanted from me was—me?

On one level, I believe the answer is a resounding “yes.” God wants our hearts and sincerity and will settle for nothing less. I also believe that many from other religions or even no religion at all will one day realize that they were searching for God all along. And our own CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) gives us indication that, if so, those people of good will would find salvation (CCC# 847-848).  BUT—what of those of us who have already discovered Christ in a more specific way? Were we too gravely misled and naïve by thinking that our dogma and doctrine was untainted? Certainly the practices of the Church are not without a mixture of pink slime and holy water.  But what of the teaching itself?

 

I wrestled with this question for 2 days straight, staying up late into the night and praying, thinking, and praying some more. I wondered why the answer seemed to elude me, and finally began thinking of the Episcopal church yet again, knowing I could seek those answers there at my leisure and on my terms and still be more or less a “Catholic Christian.”  Yet I was not ready to give up on Rome either this time. I could on the other hand start attending both or so I reasoned anyway—immediately welcomed by the Anglicans and the Catholics would not need to know the difference, at least for now. I could listen to my own conscience rather than serving the seemingly distant values of the hierarchy.  It began to seem like the only rational answer. Until…

Peter. Simon Peter. St Peter, first earthly head of the Church and first to proclaim Jesus as Lord of all. And what Jesus said to him when he made that proclamation “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matt 16:18). Those are some strong and amazing words. And they were the answer I needed.  999 (yes Herman Cain!) of my 1000 questions still remain. But no more doubts. Just hours after I quietly told God I was going to resume my illicit affair with the “ever-waiting pretty-much-like-Catholic mistress” down the street, I had to refute that whole idea and admit that I was seeking for an answer I knew already in the person of Holy Mother Church.

There would be no early Church Fathers without St. Peter, the first Holy Father of the Christian Faith.  The fledgling Catholic Church approved each and every one of the solemn creeds that all Christians live by, such as the Apostle’s Creed and Nicene. The very teaching of the Trinity and in fact the Bible itself was established by councils and bishops who submitted to the bishop of Rome, otherwise known as the Pope, successor of St. Peter and Vicar of Christ.  You might ask me why I am Catholic, with all of the numerous scandals, misuses of money and even cold-blooded murders during such times as the Inquisition.  Let us call them what they are and not try to excuse them by the way. But, as the tremendous Catholic apologist Tim Staples, a former minister of the Assemblies of God just as I was, has loudly proclaimed, “do not forsake Peter because of Judas” (slight paraphrase but hopefully you get the point here).  Both denied Jesus during his most crucial moments, but one wept bitterly for his sin—and later became the leader Jesus had always intended him to be. Even during his greatest failing he never stopped loving our Lord. “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26: 41). I can identify. The other one fully despaired, and, with no “easy religion” left to fall back on, lost all of his remaining trust and hanged himself.  That is the difference between them—and the difference between near desolation and total despair.  One still had a thread of hope and clung to it tenaciously.  A “hopeful despair” if you will. And eventually the seeming despair lost its hold.

Jesus, followed by Simon Peter and Andrew

Jesus, followed by Simon Peter and Andrew (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Peter is why I am and remain a Catholic Christian.

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SCRIPTURE REFERENCES used in this post are courtesy of The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007

Anatomy of a Confession—A Lenten Reflection

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Window at Parish Church of St Peter, Frampton ...

Window at Parish Church of St Peter, Frampton Cotterell, England (Photo credit: DanieVDM)

What exactly is a good confession? I think first of all the basics of sincerity, willingness to turn from sin, and admission of the particular faults or issues at hand. Second with that, but no less important, would be to speak, courageously and out loud to another human, specifically to the priest, the sins committed as best can be remembered, and to receive absolution from our Lord Jesus Christ through his ministry as a confessor.  One of the first acts of the resurrected Jesus was to give this power to the Apostles and, by succession, to the priests of the Church:

19 † On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.”

20 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.

21 (Jesus) said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”

22 And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.

23 Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.”[1]

John 20: 19-23, NABRE (New American Bible, Revised Edition)

The purpose of this post will not be to so much to explain the nitty-gritty details or nuts and bolts of this Sacrament and how it operates, although at the end I will link to some articles that further explain that aspect as well, but rather to share an experience I had just this week in the confessional.  My biggest fear (and I think many readers likely share this same sense of dread regarding the Sacrament of Reconciliation/Confession) was in bringing to Christ through the priest the fullness of my own struggles.

By this I mean it is one thing to quickly say “Father I was sort of bad last week forgive me” and quite another to say “I committed adultery 4 times in 2 days with 3 different women.”  And no, that was not my particular topic of concern, so lest any rumors begin to fly due to this article you can safely lay that one aside and now.  Let it rest, folks, I am not telling my specifics here!!! They are in any case beside the point.

I did have some pressing issues, though, and knew I could wait no longer to speak the sinfulness of my heart out loud and with clarity.  So I sat in the confession row for 45 minutes yesterday afternoon and I was far from the last sinner in that line! Long confession lines, I would thankfully add, would be one of the signs of a spiritually thriving parish. And our lovely Cathedral/National Shrine of St Paul is definitely that.

Dome of the Cathedral of Saint Paul in St. Pau...

Dome of the Cathedral of Saint Paul in St. Paul, Minnesota, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As I view it now, I am not really sure that my “sin list” was particularly much worse than certain other times for that matter.  But there was one significant difference. Last week I posted in regard to a 2 day period in which I very nearly said “no” to the Church. Not a “no” to Jesus, at least not purposefully so, but a “no” to the outer trappings of Rome and her leadership in my life.  But for those of us who are Catholic Christians it becomes the same thing. Jesus did not separate the Church from Himself nor should we attempt to do so.

In any event, especially after rehearsing my “list” for 45 minutes, I was pretty clear by the time I entered the “Tribunal Booth” what needed to be said—word for word in fact.  I often go face-to-face but not this time—and the Church in her mercy does allow us to confess either way. This time, though, anonymous “hiding” was just fine with me. One area of sin, already alluded to, and this one I will tell you about, was undoubtedly that whole area of submission to Church authority. As mentioned, last week, after a long time of not even having such thoughts enter my mind, I went through around 48 hours or so where I had to search my heart and sift through layers of doubt about even remaining Catholic.  I wrote more in detail about this if you are interested (again the link is below) but besides confessing it to the whole blogosphere I needed some absolution from a priest to really “seal the deal.”  But it meant, once again, facing the dissident musical notes of my life and formally committing myself to Rome all over again—and all during what was supposed to be the “best Lent ever.” I felt, and still do, that the very act of so seriously doubting my Faith again, after all the Lord has truly done for me over these last 6 years since my return,  was somewhere between ungrateful and truly wretched. The astounding and good news however is that God loves “wretches like me” as the song Amazing Grace tells us so eloquently.

Page 53 in Olney Hymns, the verses that would ...

Page 53 in Olney Hymns, the verses that would become known as "Amazing Grace" (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here then is where the Holy Spirit, speaking through the words of a carefully listening (both to me and to God) priest, became shining soap suds of cleansing to my otherwise filthy soul. After I clumsily spurted my way through all of this, trying hard to be succinct but on the other hand attempting to leave out nothing of import, he gave me a few short minutes of counsel. I told him I felt genuinely that I had failed the Lord so much this Lent, and he said simply “Lent never made a saint out of anyone—it just shows us that we are not saints.”  Those were “amazing grace” words to me, and ones I do not ever remember hearing whether in a confessional or even during a Lenten retreat for that matter. Too often we go into Lent striving to be more holy, more disciplined, and godlier as a result. Then Easter Sunday comes, we break our fasts and eat our meal consisting primarily of Virginia spiraled ham and home-made peanut butter chocolate Easter eggs, and then sit back to watch a good movie or take a nap. Then back to life “as usual” for the rest of the year. But his view was that, at least in my case, and for most of us, Lent should be a mirror of the areas we will need to work on long past Lent’s end.

Slovak easter food

Slovak easter food (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And of course he was and is right.  He was in no way suggesting that we make no special efforts during Lent.  We should and there is still time to do so thankfully. But he was saying that we, if we do seek God, may quite unexpectedly find ourselves face to face with our very weakest areas. It is only then however that we can begin fighting them with any consistency.  I am by no means leaving the Church, and by God’s grace never will. But knowing that I could even still think in those terms both humbled and frightened me, and rightly still does. I think I have a small sense of why St. Peter, who insisted he would never deny the Lord, “wept bitterly” when a few short hours later he did so, not once but 3 times. I am beginning to relate all too well to our first Pope. Perhaps an upside-down crucifixion will be in my future as well.

Yet even the weaknesses we have, whatever they may be, can be used to help our walks with God. I have always assumed my weak areas to be a hindrance primarily, and to a very real extent of course they are.  But he suggested letting those same weaknesses remind us of who we are and how much we need God—in short to allow our weaknesses become our strengths.   And to always be reminded that we can indeed fall again, so we must fortify in areas we know are difficult for us.  And most of us know what those areas may be on a personal level, even though mine may differ from yours in the specifics.

Maybe this Lent will indeed be the “best Lent ever” for me after all. Some of that spiritual reading I planned or novenas or other prayers which I should have prayed already can still be done after Easter, once the ham and candy eggs have digested and been forgotten. Lent should be all year-long anyway. And if you are like me, it needs to be—desperately.  Lent serves little purpose otherwise.

[1] Confraternity of Christian Doctrine. Board of Trustees, Catholic Church. National Conference of Catholic Bishops, & United States Catholic Conference. Administrative Board. (1996). The New American Bible: Translated from the original languages with critical use of all the ancient sources and the revised New Testament (Jn 20:19–23). Confraternity of Christian Doctrine.

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HOPEFUL DESPAIR??? A Lenten Reflection of Combat Then Clarity…

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Roman Catholicism

Roman Catholicism (Photo credit: tinou bao)

This has been a peculiar week for me.  It seems to have begun Monday evening, after a conversation with a FB friend of mine who is a wonderful Episcopalian brother in Christ.  If you have read much of my blog, you may recall that, even after returning to Roman Catholicism in 2005, I went through a short period of total rejection of Rome in the latter part of 2010. That rejection led me into the ever-waiting arms of the Episcopal community, which I had been toying with on and off for perhaps over a year before making the rather short-lived but real leap to Anglicanism.

What I am about to share may sound like unkindness towards Episcopal Christians but is not really meant to. Two things however are very intriguing to me (and somewhat deceptive potentially) about that particular circle of believers. One is its overwhelming similarity to Rome, while all the while replacing the concept of submission to the Magisterium (the world’s bishops in union with Rome) with one’s own human reason.  You could for instance attend a Liturgy there and, if you had not carefully checked the sign outside of the building upon entering, not even realize you are in a technically Protestant ecclesia! The order of Liturgy is that similar. The second is a very open willingness, at least in my experience, to almost instantly becoming part of the membership.  While some would call this being “welcoming,” it can also lead to people making decisions that they are not spiritually ready for. I was invited to “join” the parish by a simple phone call, and told I could still retain membership in my Catholic parish simultaneously. Seductive indeed when you are questioning Rome while wishing to remain Catholic on some level at least.

Here then is the issue I have more than once faced even since returning to Rome:  Faith needs to be struggled with in order for it to become strong.  There are doctrines and practices within the hierarchical structure that I sometimes frankly yet do not understand, even after much study and 21 years of my life as a Roman Catholic.  Very honestly I suspect some of the readers can relate as well.  The proper way to deal with those questions is not to ignore them, but to face them while resolutely retaining a commitment to Catholic Christian principles.  Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman (a former Anglican clergy by the way) once said “Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt.”  Even our Blessed Mother questioned the angel Gabriel, after being told that she would bear the Messiah without the normal physical intimacy that (at least until this new generation of IVP and surrogate mothers) was and still in reality is necessary to produce earthly offspring. Mary’s question to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34) was immediately followed (1:38) with “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

Statue of John Henry Newman (Cardinal Newman) ...

Statue of John Henry Newman (Cardinal Newman) at the Church of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Brompton Road, London, England. Popularly called Brompton Oratory. Photographed by me 29 September 2006. Oosoom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The point is here is that she wrestled.  The other point is she let God win the match.  When an ecclesial body is so anxious for membership that they accept anyone off the street, struggle or not, a very important step is missed for both they and that individual. Working through the seeming immediate despair of the battle actually leads to hope.  Not working it through keeps doubts firmly planted within, even when repressed, consciously or not, by the seeming freedom from authority and an “easy Catholicism.” As comedian and actor Robin Williams, a lapsed Catholic turned Episcopalian, says of his current faith “Catholic Lite – same rituals, half the guilt.” And he appears to be right on that count. Now back to me and this week…

Mother

Mother (Photo credit: racineur)

Although the time frame in 2010 when I walked along the ever-moving fractured ground of Anglicanism was relatively short (around 2 and ½ months), I think the after-shocks of that spiritual earthquake still exist and tend to haunt me at times.  Without going into much detail, I would say that by far the biggest issue for me was Church authority.  Settle that question, and the idea that Christianity cannot exist without said authority must then prevail—and that leads directly back to Rome for many reasons.  Others have written book-length apologetics on that very issue, so I will leave it to them if you wish to do further research on the topic.  I will list a few options and links at the end of this post, however, as it is an important supplement to this study.

But what if there really is no authority?  Or, as happened to me this week, a more subtle variation of this question might be, what if the authority of God is so huge, and so universal, that no one body on earth, whether Christian or otherwise, can claim those rights over other humans?  It seems to me that Christianity itself, and thus Catholicism as well, must rise or fall on that question.  If there is no real group that is “right,” then why am I worrying my rapidly aging head about same-sex marriage, for just one issue, the HHS mandate for another, or even abortion for a third? Why am I not able to re-interpret the 10 commandments into a more palatable set of guidelines for this day and age?  Why would sexual activity outside of marriage (to cite but one example of many) be sinful as long as I am loving, kind, and not deliberately using the other person?  Who draws what lines? Or do such lines even exist?

These are the things which Episcopalians are “muddy” about, and quite deliberately so.  And for Catholic Christians who, like me, become at moments “weary in well-doing,” the appeal to this line of thinking is undeniably tantalizing.  It is comparable with attempting to maintain a solid marriage while having one’s former mistress live next door, continually winking and nodding as she works scantily clad in her backyard garden. Or, to be more Biblical, to when King David decided to take a short vacation from being a warrior and started watching the neighborhood women bathe from his rooftop. Bathsheba surely waits for both David and each of us.

Anyway this happened to me.  This week. No, not the peeping Tom activity, but the “doubting Thomas” part at least. As a direct result of the chat with my Episcopal friend, I found myself listening to a wonderful and fascinating interview with a man by the name of Brian Deacon, who played Jesus in the movie (aptly named “Jesus”) from 1979.  A lapsed Catholic himself, now married to a Buddhist, he shared a very real and sincere journey which has seemingly kept him from making a commitment to any particular religion, while giving him yet a huge appreciation for the life and ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ.  What hit me was the realization that this man was searching, just as me, and on some level knew God, even though he did not claim or pretend to be a Christian as such. The idea both scared and exhilarated me. Was I wasting my efforts attempting to follow “Church rules and regulations” when all God wanted from me was—me?

On one level, I believe the answer is a resounding “yes.” God wants our hearts and sincerity and will settle for nothing less. I also believe that many from other religions or even no religion at all will one day realize that they were searching for God all along. And our own CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) gives us indication that, if so, those people of good will would find salvation (CCC# 847-848).  BUT—what of those of us who have already discovered Christ in a more specific way? Were we too gravely misled and naïve by thinking that our dogma and doctrine was untainted? Certainly the practices of the Church are not without a mixture of pink slime and holy water.  But what of the teaching itself?

 

I wrestled with this question for 2 days straight, staying up late into the night and praying, thinking, and praying some more. I wondered why the answer seemed to elude me, and finally began thinking of the Episcopal church yet again, knowing I could seek those answers there at my leisure and on my terms and still be more or less a “Catholic Christian.”  Yet I was not ready to give up on Rome either this time. I could on the other hand start attending both or so I reasoned anyway—immediately welcomed by the Anglicans and the Catholics would not need to know the difference, at least for now. I could listen to my own conscience rather than serving the seemingly distant values of the hierarchy.  It began to seem like the only rational answer. Until…

Peter. Simon Peter. St Peter, first earthly head of the Church and first to proclaim Jesus as Lord of all. And what Jesus said to him when he made that proclamation “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” (Matt 16:18). Those are some strong and amazing words. And they were the answer I needed.  999 (yes Herman Cain!) of my 1000 questions still remain. But no more doubts. Just hours after I quietly told God I was going to resume my illicit affair with the “ever-waiting pretty-much-like-Catholic mistress” down the street, I had to refute that whole idea and admit that I was seeking for an answer I knew already in the person of Holy Mother Church.

There would be no early Church Fathers without St. Peter, the first Holy Father of the Christian Faith.  The fledgling Catholic Church approved each and every one of the solemn creeds that all Christians live by, such as the Apostle’s Creed and Nicene. The very teaching of the Trinity and in fact the Bible itself was established by councils and bishops who submitted to the bishop of Rome, otherwise known as the Pope, successor of St. Peter and Vicar of Christ.  You might ask me why I am Catholic, with all of the numerous scandals, misuses of money and even cold-blooded murders during such times as the Inquisition.  Let us call them what they are and not try to excuse them by the way. But, as the tremendous Catholic apologist Tim Staples, a former minister of the Assemblies of God just as I was, has loudly proclaimed, “do not forsake Peter because of Judas” (slight paraphrase but hopefully you get the point here).  Both denied Jesus during his most crucial moments, but one wept bitterly for his sin—and later became the leader Jesus had always intended him to be. Even during his greatest failing he never stopped loving our Lord. “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26: 41). I can identify. The other one fully despaired, and, with no “easy religion” left to fall back on, lost all of his remaining trust and hanged himself.  That is the difference between them—and the difference between near desolation and total despair.  One still had a thread of hope and clung to it tenaciously.  A “hopeful despair” if you will. And eventually the seeming despair lost its hold.

Jesus, followed by Simon Peter and Andrew

Jesus, followed by Simon Peter and Andrew (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Peter is why I am and remain a Catholic Christian.

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SCRIPTURE REFERENCES used in this post are courtesy of The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007

CatholicYouthWork.com – Catholics who don\’t connect with… other Catholics

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The two front-runners...

via CatholicYouthWork.com – Catholics who don\’t connect with… other Catholics.

The following are my own comments to this somewhat disturbing article. While the author is right that we need to be more “relevant,” he does not give one single suggestion as to how this is done, yet seemingly blames Rick Santorum for not doing so to his liking.  Here are my comments:

I would respectfully submit that Rick Santorum did not reach the “Catholic vote” for the very reason you mentioned first, and that is  because the media is counting everyone who was ever baptized or who identifies with Rome, even if they live more like Sodom and Gomorrah. Or Hollywood.

Rick Santorum is running for President, not serving as youth leader on the “New Evangelization” front. It is not his main job to win those votes by some sort of compromise of his own character. I respect that he is the one candidate who I can believe in. I also realize that he may never win the White House or be as “relevant” as you have suggested he ought to be, but then again neither was Blessed Mother Teresa. Then again maybe his aim is sainthood rather than the Presidency.

While I still support him, I also am realistic that he was never likely to win–but he has caused more conversation on Catholicism and what it really means than any politician in recent years. He has also gone places no one expected in this campaign.  So someone is listening to his message or he would have been long out of the race like Huntsman, Pawlenty and the rest.  The fact that he is in 2nd place, even a distant one, is amazing actually.

And he did it without one iota of compromise on his Catholic Christian values. If that is not being “relevant” then I am not sure what is. And perhaps, just perhaps, that is God’s plan for him at least this time around. Maybe he is the “voice in the wilderness” we are currently walking in. Sometimes, like Ezekiel of old, we are called to loudly speak a seemingly “irrelevant” message to those who will listen, and they may indeed be the minority for the time being.

You are a youth leader–I am a lay person who tries to stay involved in my parish as well as online, and to share the Faith with others in open and hopefully charitable ways.  I think perhaps the job of direct evangelization falls more to us than to him right now.  And if we were doing our jobs, perhaps he would have actually won at least more of the “Catholic vote.”

He is not the one to point the finger at here. I look in the mirror.

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Pre-Lenten Praise and Worship

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Reblogged from Catholibertarian:

The past few days I have been sick and am so sorry that I haven’t made my blog rounds in recent days.  I felt better today so Kevin and I took the opportunity to travel to Steubenville, OH (about a 45 minute drive from where we live) to attend a Rick Santorum rally.  I had been wanting to see him in person so it was awesome to be able to see Rick today.  

Read more… 381 more words, 1 more video

I just have to share this--it hearkens to my own experience just a few short weeks ago here in MN, just before the "sudden Santorum surge" all over the country--which my state led the way on, by the way:). God is definitely good all the time. Blessings to Teresa Rice for this post!

I also wish to take this President's Day opportunity to share something I discovered lately, and that is the real meaning of Rick Santorum's last name.  I do so because certain folks, in the name of satire or crass humor, have misused it mercilessly in the past few years. But it is Latin for the "Holy of Holies." And whatever you may think of his political views, this man is arguably one of the holiest and yet down-to-earth Catholic Christians out there by anyone's standards. I am proud to share his first name, and would be equally proud to share his last one as well. I support him all the way.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"]English: President George W. Bush signs The Fl...[/caption]
  The image below is the Sancta Santorum in Rome, Italy.
[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"]Sancta Santorum, Roma[/caption]
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